Reclaim You- All About How To Say No
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In this conversation, Sarah and Casey discuss the what's why's and how's of saying no. They explore the challenges of setting boundaries and the fear of losing connections. They also discuss the idea of selfishness and self-care, emphasizing the need to prioritize oneself. Casey provides tips for saying no, including seeking support, visualizing, and starting with small steps.
Takeaways
Reclaiming oneself involves discovering authenticity and acting on one's desires.
Setting boundaries and saying no can be challenging but are essential for self-care.
Fear of losing connections and the need for approval can hinder the ability to say no.
Seeking support, visualizing, and starting with small steps can help in setting boundaries.
Setting boundaries may lead to the dissolution of relationships, but it is important to prioritize one's own needs.
Tune into the following episodes for more on this topic!
People Pleasing
Overfunctioning
Boundaries
Thanks for listening to Reclaim You with Reclaim Therapy!
To learn more about Reclaim Therapy and how to work with a therapist on the team, head to https://www.reclaimtherapy.org.
Be sure to comment, like and subscribe here, or on YouTube and come follow along on Instagram!
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Sarah (00:00)
right. Hey everybody, welcome back to Reclaim You. Casey is back on the pod today for season two. Hey Casey. Hey. So to kick it off, so far, everyone has answered so far. What does Reclaim You mean to you in this?
season slash year of your life.
casey (00:21)
Mmm. What does it mean to me?
I think, I'm trying to think of what I said last time. It's not far off. It's not far off because I feel like it was something along the lines of like reclaiming authenticity, like finding out who I am, what I want. I feel like now it's really acting on that, right? So I can have a lot of exploration, right? Did a lot of therapy last year, unburdened a lot of parts.
Sarah (00:32)
I don't remember what anyone said last time.
casey (00:35)
Woo!
Sarah (00:49)
you
casey (00:57)
did a lot of things. And I think the scary part of that can be, who am I now? Who am I? But now that I've figured that out, as much as you can at one go, now it's how am I going to act on that? What am I going to fill my time with? What people am I going to fill my time with? What activities am I going to spend my time doing? What do I want for this person? Because
Sarah (01:04)
-huh.
huh. Yep.
casey (01:26)
What I wanted in the past for that version of me was very different. So, you meaning me, I have a better understanding of her now. Now I want her to do things that maybe she didn't allow herself to do, or thought was weird, or was scared of, or things like that. So it's the action year. It's happening. Action year.
Sarah (01:50)
I love it.
I love it. Yeah. Your mic is like rubbing up against one of your braids. Can you like flip that one back? Other one. There we go. That one. That one. One in, one out. There we go. Yeah, I love that. I love that. And I think it probably, and maybe you were really good at this already, but it probably goes in alignment with what we're talking about today. And that is saying no.
casey (02:00)
I'm sorry. There we go. This one. this one. Here we go. We'll do one in and one out.
saying no.
Sarah (02:25)
saying no. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Yeah. Like how to do it, why it's hard, your tips. I was telling Casey before we started, like, this is great because we're on kind of like two sides of the spectrum here. Like it's still a struggle for me. You're killing it with the no's and the boundaries. I'm still in that messy middle. Years. Years in the messy middle. Here we are.
casey (02:50)
Which is so valid and welcome.
Sarah (02:55)
Yeah, so saying no.
casey (02:58)
Yes, yes. So I was thinking about this and I have to just like all the other lived experiences that we talk about, I wasn't here automatically, right? I grew up in an environment where people pleasing was a means of survival. Being hyper aware of how other people reacted or.
what other people wanted was a safe thing to do. So I was driven by obligatory yeses. Yes to everything. Yes to activities. Yes to feeling a certain way, which was really hard. Yes, I'm going to be quiet. Yes, I'm not going to feel that. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And I think I was like that.
the first 25 years of my life. And it served me. And I think it's important to remind people that the things that you let go of later on in life doesn't, they served you at a time. So being a yes person, I was reliable. You know, I was someone that people went to, I was someone that people leaned on and that gave me a sense of worth, a sense of accomplishment, a sense of purpose.
and that fuel something that was missing, right? And I don't think it was until, to be honest, I got married and all of the obligations doubled.
Sarah (04:38)
Mmm, yep.
casey (04:40)
And I remember it was a Christmas, I think it was the holidays. And I remember coming home and absolutely like feeling like absolute trash shit. And I was like, this is this is this what's gonna happen for the rest of my life because this is unacceptable.
Sarah (04:54)
Is this it?
I can't deal with this.
casey (05:01)
I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. And so, you know, that was a couple years ago and I wasn't, I don't think in therapy at the time, so I wasn't like having any, you know, exploration of why that was like really upsetting to me and why all these emotions were coming up. I just knew that my past self would just shut them down, right? Like you just have to do this. It became that.
story you create, right? I have to do this because if I don't do this, then this is going to happen. And this means that I am this. So that went on for a couple of years. And I had conversations with my husband about like, you know, like, why do we choose to go to this thing? Or, you know, why don't we say yes to this thing? And we started using the word obligation. And something about that word just like said.
set me off, it was like, ew, it was like an icky word. It was an ick. And I didn't listen to it then. I was like, eh, you know, it's an ick. We all have icks, it's fine. And it wasn't until I started therapy, for whatever round that was, and we started talking about growing up and how I might've developed this understanding of saying yes, and obligation, and people pleasing, and...
Sarah (05:56)
Mmm, it was an egg.
casey (06:23)
you know, the more that I healed those parts of me, the less I was reliant on it. So now, being in my 30s, having some therapy under my belt where I actually did the work, because therapists don't always do the work in therapy, I'm one of them, is so easy. But this time I didn't, and you know, the more that I...
Sarah (06:38)
Mm -hmm.
That's for sure. It's really easy to avoid. Really easy to avoid.
casey (06:51)
certain relationships or acknowledged unhealthy ones, it was easier to say no. So guilt started to dissolve. You know, it happened with, you know, some of my immediate people in my life. And I remember, this is a weird story, but this is how it started was I usually did a very specific thing for a certain person's holiday in my life. And I decided I'm not going to do that thing.
It's stupid, it's pointless, I don't know why I'm doing it. Like, I'm doing it because I've done it my whole life. And I didn't. And nothing bad happened.
Nothing bad happened. Nobody yelled, nobody screamed, nobody cut me off. Nothing happened. And so I remember coming home and telling Chris, my gosh, I did this thing and it was so exciting. And it just snowballed from there, really. I mean, to the point now where if I don't want to go to something, I don't go. If I don't want to talk to somebody, I'm not going to. I mean, there's still areas where there could be improvement.
You know, we all have that, but I feel like now if it is impeding my life in a way that I don't like, or if it is taking too much from me, or I'm doing it just for someone else, and I don't have it in my heart to do that, no. And nothing bad has really happened. I mean, have I lost connections with people? Yeah. Did that tell me something? Yes.
Sarah (08:00)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm. Yeah.
casey (08:30)
And that's okay. You know, at the end of the day, I have to do what's good for me. I didn't get to be selfish when I was a kid. And I think a lot of people don't get to be selfish when they're children. So learning how to be selfish in a healthy way and have that balance, right? I still do things for people. I'm not like the most selfish person in the world. But it did take a long time to get here.
Sarah (08:37)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
And that's making me think, that's making me think too of like, is it selfish or is it self care? Right? Like we have this idea that being selfish is a bad thing, that we shouldn't be selfish, right? And this goes in alignment with what you're saying with people pleasing and growing up learning these things of like doing and giving back and right, like pleasing, pleasing, pleasing, that when we do something for ourselves, it feels wrong in lots of ways because it's quote unquote selfish. But is it selfish? Like isn't selfishness the thing in lots of ways?
casey (09:02)
Mm -hmm.
Sarah (09:24)
to sustain you like healthy selfishness like not being a dick, right, but like
casey (09:27)
Right.
Sarah (09:30)
Is it self care? Self sustaining.
casey (09:32)
Yeah.
Or do we just give the word selfishness a bad rap? You know, like we just like, you know, there's plenty of words in our therapy world that we teach people how to have a neutral view of. That selfish has been used as a derogatory term for a long time. I don't have a problem saying I'm selfish. There's not like a...
Sarah (09:39)
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
casey (10:02)
shame aura around that word like if I want to be selfish today I'm selfish today because it gives me the ability to be selfless in other times in my life which make me feel good too you know if you're continuing to say yes yes yes and do all the things first of all the quality of your showing up is poor over time and second of all you're not going it's not going to invigorate you the way that it should
Sarah (10:13)
Yep. Yep.
casey (10:32)
You know, so if you're just doing things for the sake of doing things...
that waste of time, which we've all wasted that time.
Sarah (10:42)
Sure, of course, of course. Yeah, yeah.
casey (10:49)
So that's my long -winded story of how, how I'm so no, no, no.
Sarah (10:54)
No, no, no. Where do you feel like you still struggle with the nose? Maybe struggle is a strong word. Do you have like resistance to nose? Heard, heard.
casey (11:02)
work, work completely. Totally. Always been my sore spot. Always. I think that's one of those parts of my life that I'm trying to give compassion when I do the thing, right? I set the boundary or...
You know, I don't make myself available when I'm really not.
You know, I think it takes time and it depends on where you're at. You know, if, if, you know, I'm in a head space where I'm struggling, usually my boundaries are four. And that's just is what it is. It's a lot of energy to acknowledge the emotions that come from doing something that a past you thought was unsafe. So if you don't always have the energy to set these boundaries,
consistently, that's okay. Know that that's going to impact the situation, but that you're not a failure, you didn't do anything wrong, but yeah, work.
Sarah (12:18)
Yeah, yeah, makes a lot of sense.
Yeah, yeah. So what are some, you know, what are, and I feel like I should link to the episode on boundaries and people pleasing as well to go along with this conversation, but what, what are some tips that you have about, about saying no, because I think that saying no.
It does, it's kind of like it's life altering in lots of ways and it can be life altering in a really good and positive way. And there can be a lot of loss with saying no and like orienting to something different in your life. You know, saying no to something you've been doing for a really long time that maybe once felt really good and now is really like soul draining. That, even though it's like there's a want there, there's a lot of loss and shifting and orienting to something now.
So I'm curious, like what kind of tips do you have for folks who are like navigating this feeling maybe drained and wanting something different but holding just the heaviness of it all?
casey (13:23)
I mean, that's the first thing that's coming to my mind is like, I couldn't have done it by myself. You know, like whether that's a therapist, whether that, you know, was my husband. I think something that was helpful was like throwing the narrative out there, right? Like, if I don't do that, then she's not going to love me and this is going to happen and ba ba ba ba ba.
because a part of me knew how that sounded and intellectually I knew that that was probably not gonna happen. There were still these parts of myself that are trying to get used to this new life that we're trying to live. And that didn't feel good. So I think it's...
Sarah (14:05)
Yeah. Yeah.
casey (14:13)
It's doing something that scares you and being honest that it does. Right? Like I think a lot of people won't talk about saying no because it feels dumb. Right? Like I should just be able to say no. Right? Or just like all the shame that we create around not doing certain things. Right? And I would go through the narrative with my husband being like, this is going to happen. He's like, what part of you?
Where's that coming from? I'm like, yes, husband of the year. And I realize, and I think going back to like safe activities, safe behaviors, safe people, when I was trying to set a boundary, a no, do something different. And I think it goes with, you know, many of our podcasts and being authentic and shame and all of those things that.
Setting a boundary and saying no if you don't do it at all or often, it's probably unsafe in some way shape or form to some part of you. So you have to counteract that with something else. So will I binge watch one of my favorite TV shows? Yeah. Will I color? Will I, you know, eat my comfort foods? Will I, you know, like things that feel familiar and consistent and show up for me? Counteracting this uncertain.
thing that I'm feeling right now. Because it is uncertain. You don't actually know what's going to happen. There's that quote, right? The people who have problems with your boundaries are the people who benefited from you having none. That is probably going to happen. You know, you're gonna get some kickback and that kickback might feel unsafe. So if you have some tools in your back pocket of people, places, things, activities,
Sarah (15:48)
Yep.
casey (16:11)
Somatic tools that make you feel and can ride the wave of uncertainty is gonna be helpful Does it make it all go away? Does it not feel shitty? sorry, no, it does feel shitty and it does feel scary and You know as tiny as like that example that I was mentioned. I was shaking in my boots Like it felt huge to me and I think being able to not shame yourself into how silly that might sound too I think is a big crux of this
Sarah (16:31)
Mm -hmm.
casey (16:41)
Now I also want to throw out there if people are like, my gosh, like so many no's, how do you do that? I've also, I also have a lot of privilege in my life of like independence and not relying on a lot of people in the world. So like, if you are younger or if you are dependent on people that you feel like you want to set boundaries with, like that is very difficult to do. So like, I'm not here, like this is a very,
Sarah (17:05)
Yeah.
casey (17:09)
privileged part of my life and I've done a lot of work and like this is not what is going to be working for everyone. And that sometimes we need to set very micro boundaries. So it's, you know, if you're on the phone with somebody or, you know, you go to dinner with somebody, are you going to like have, have somebody in your life call me like emergency man so you can get out of there earlier? Like, are you going to allow that?
Sarah (17:16)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm.
casey (17:38)
or you know do you take your car so you can leave you know these micro moments of eye of control in some of this and you might take the car and you might not leave but at least you set the intention you know
Sarah (17:46)
Yep. Yep.
Yeah, yeah, I'm thinking to those little like tiny baby steps of even like visualizing. And this is what, you know, I was working on, I don't know, a handful of months ago with my therapist when it was like, okay, imagine saying that, like what happens? And it's like, everything goes blank. And it's like a part is like, no, no, no, we can't do that, right? And doing like these visualizations of like, okay, what might feel possible? What might feel possible to say?
casey (18:09)
Mmm.
Mmm.
Sarah (18:22)
and just imagining, right? Like maybe not even starting with doing the act, but imagining doing those things and feeling with someone who's safe and can be with you through it, like what comes up? And how do you start to work with what comes up so you can establish some like tolerance for maybe even just like a corner of the distress that might come up in the actual act?
casey (18:27)
Mmm.
Mm, I like that. Yeah, it's a good, it's a good micro step, which makes me think of another one that I did with my therapist in the beginning was, you know, can you just set boundaries with yourself? You know, like can you, or can you honor a yes for you?
Sarah (18:59)
Hmm.
Yeah.
casey (19:07)
So yes might be like, I don't really want to do Fold the Laundry right now. I really want to watch Bridgerton. So I'm going to do that and like just be with that honoring myself in a way because even that's uncomfortable. So can I do that with myself? Cool. And just continue to do those things. I think I did that for a long time with my therapist of like what feels good to me.
Because how can you cut off things in your outside world when you don't have any connection to your inside world? This doesn't work. So internal work in the dream, finding your safety. We always come back to this conversation, don't we? Just coming back to your own safety and whatever that looks like for you. That's the ticket.
Sarah (19:42)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, we do.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think even for me, like a no, which turned into a yes, like a yes and a no, right? Was realizing that I had spent a lot of time in front of this computer in this room, right? And we got the puppy. He's not a puppy so much anymore, but like walking the dog. Like I always used to love our old dog. I used to walk him every morning and it was just like time for me, especially when I had the kids, right? Time for me.
casey (20:12)
Mmm.
Sarah (20:27)
didn't have to talk to anyone but the dog, right? And that of course fell off and then we got the new dog and all that. And like the no was like sleeping the extra 35 minutes, 40 minutes. The no was that, the yes was like getting up, walking the dog just because it's just me and him.
And what's done is it's actually connected me with other people because there's other people walking their dogs in this little route that we go on. So it's like some human connection of like, hello, we see the same people like every day and we wave and whatever. And it's like, I am a human in the world because I said no to this part of me that does definitely want to sleep the extra 35 minutes. And yes to this like, just me time, not responding to anyone else, just us out on the road doing our thing.
you know, not every day, but lots of days. Like there's this, yeah, there's like a yes, there's a no, but it's all okay.
casey (21:25)
I love that. I just think about it and and I think like what a gift just that isolated time with yourself is, especially as a mom. And I like that yes and no, because I think what I'm realizing in going through this podcast with you is the no couldn't have been possible without a yes to me.
Sarah (21:27)
Mm.
Yeah. Yep.
casey (21:54)
at all. You know, so like, people in my life will always laugh and say like, you're so good at like just being independent and going out and doing what you want. Like, like on my day is awful. Go on a date with myself basically and do whatever I want. I'll go to the library, I'll go shopping, I'll get some coffee. But that took a lot of work to be able to do that, right? And if you can't rely on yourself in any micro moments,
Sarah (22:19)
Mm -hmm.
casey (22:24)
you're dependent on other people's responses to you. Like that's how you perceive yourself. So being able to learn and perceive yourself going back to, I feel like it might've been my first podcast or second, authenticity, right? Learning who you are and what you want. And when you build that relationship and it feels safe enough, you know, you can do things for yourself and it will matter to you.
Sarah (22:39)
Authenticity, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And what you want.
casey (22:54)
If you're not doing things for yourself, you have nothing to drive you to set a boundary. You know, like, if I hadn't, at times when I said yes, my life was driven on saying yes. And if I didn't have anything to do, it wouldn't be, what does Casey want? It's, what does anybody need? Anybody need anything? What do you need? I'll do it for you. And that shift, you don't realize, at least I didn't realize when it happened, but it did happen eventually.
Sarah (23:12)
huh, yeah.
casey (23:23)
where why am I getting the ick? Why am I resentful? Why is my tolerance really low for whatever bullshit is happening in my life? Okay, maybe that's a me problem that I can take care of. Slowly.
Sarah (23:28)
Oof.
Yep.
Mm -hmm. Yeah. Yeah, it's that resentment. That resentment and maybe, yeah, the resentment and the feeling like totally burnt to a crisp, right? Like that, I hate getting to that point, right? And I know in a couple of areas in my life, I am there and then feeling the weight of responsibility to do things for people. And part of that is being a mom and having little kids. So like fully acknowledging that. And there's really not.
super way out of that. But otherwise, right, like where else is like bleeding into this sense of like crushing responsibility and feeling so burnt out and it's like, okay, like I don't like feeling this way and then it bleeds into all the other areas of life. So get a start to make some shifts like what are my yeses? Why am I feeling so responsible? Can some of the responsibility be on the people that I'm in relationship with and trusting that they can handle it? Because they're adult humans in the world too, right?
casey (24:33)
I love that. I love that so much. very true. Very true. goodness, especially, you know, because perfectionism, people pleasing is very driven in this. Like, I don't know, it's like a mix of hyperindependence in certain parts and independence in other parts.
Sarah (24:34)
Yeah. Yeah. So much easier said than done, by the way, but spoiler alert.
Yeah.
Mm.
casey (25:00)
And so us hyper independent folk, you know, asking for help, even trusting that it's a different story, but even like saying yes to someone saying like, Hey, I'll take that off your hands. I remember the first time my husband did that with like, I think it was like either a bill or like calling the mechanic or something, but it jolted the crap out of me. Like,
Sarah (25:03)
Yep.
casey (25:29)
I immediately got really defensive. I was like, I can do it myself. But like, why? Like, why? And I had, like I had to talk it through. And I think it goes to show the like, us therapists, we are human just like you, and we have to talk through this stuff. Where I'm like, I don't know why I reacted that way. And he was giving me all this kindness and compassion, and I want to help you.
Sarah (25:38)
Yeah.
Yeah.
yeah. Yeah.
casey (25:57)
But like there's a means of control in that too. Like when you set a boundary, when you say no, like it's a different type of control that just isn't familiar. And so that can feel scary. And then just like whatever other burdens you have in your inner world, we're like trusting that someone's gonna do the thing. I get it, it's so jolting. when you said it, my heart was like, ooh, ooh, I feel it, I feel it.
Sarah (26:00)
Yeah.
It is. huh. Yep.
It is. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or even when people are making offers like genuinely, right? I thought about this over the weekend. I get through the parenting lens, like my husband and I haven't had, it is kind of a privilege to have family members who are like readily available to help you care for your kids and to babysit and things like that. We haven't had a lot of that experience. And so
casey (26:27)
But I'm
Sarah (26:49)
I mean, my hyperindependence has definitely carried over into parenting. But then like having COVID babies and not having a lot of folks who can help with, you know, date nights, whatever those types of things. Like there is this level of hyperindependence that we're just like engaged in in our parenting life. And we have the loveliest neighbors and, you know, they care a lot for their grandkids and things like that. And over the weekend, I was thinking because my neighbor, she was like, just like let the kids come over, like let them play in the basement.
it's okay. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, I don't want to put that on you. Like, my kids are a lot like all kids are a lot, you know, like they I don't want them to make a mess. Right. And I was like, No, she's like, Sarah, let me take the kids. I've got all these grandkids. Don't worry about it. And me, it was so uncomfortable. And I was like, No, no, no, no. She I said no, probably 800 times. But that was that was saying also a note of myself because gosh, a break would have been super nice. Right. But this level of hyper independence of like, I've had to do it on myself.
So I need to continue to do it all myself, right? It's so hard to break out of that pattern. Eventually they did go over there for like 15 minutes and then of course they came back. But you know, so there is a yes, there is a yes, you know, but still so hard. And I think you're right, this hyper independence, the perfectionism, the people pleasing, the like hard time setting boundaries, they all go hand in hand.
casey (27:57)
Yay! Good for you!
I love that. And I love that your neighbor kept showing up because I think that matters, right? Like we've talked about like, you know, the therapy space and safety and a lot of that is like, I'm still gonna be here and offer that support regardless of what part is showing up. Right? And so.
Sarah (28:19)
I know, she's like Sarah.
casey (28:41)
not that your neighbor is aware of parts work, but probably just not in a therapeutic sense of like, you know, it's no burden to me, right? Like kept telling you it's no burden to me. And, you know, I think a lot of people in our lives, the people we care about remind us of that time and time again. And it's, you know, willingness and opportunity have to cross their path to a certain extent for that to happen. And, you know, certain times in my
Sarah (28:44)
Yeah.
casey (29:10)
my marriage it was paying for groceries and then the next time it was taking my car to the mechanic and now I'm like do whatever you want like you want to take over responsibility for the whole day I'm down like please do this is what I want for lunch and like you can clean up and can you all take trash out like I'm down for that but that took a long time a long time that that that trusting someone to help me
Sarah (29:18)
Yeah.
please, like take it. Take it.
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
casey (29:38)
does not change the dynamic of a relationship in an unsafe way. And that, you know, time and trusting, trusting it enough to let it pan out and learn that that's safe over time.
Sarah (29:42)
Yeah.
casey (29:55)
Now, I also think it's important to recognize that some of the boundaries that I've set in my life have led to the severing of relationships. So like not all of this is like cute and fun, you know, like I've, no, it's not.
Sarah (30:06)
Yeah.
Sunshine and rainbows, yeah. And like 15 minute breaks from your kids, yeah. Some of it is actually really painful. Yeah, there's the grief part, right? Yeah.
casey (30:17)
Yeah, yeah, and it definitely is. And I think, you know, the more I knew what I wanted, the more starking it was that I knew what I didn't want. And if people aren't in my life, weren't going to respect that, weren't going to honor that, weren't going to let me feel safe around that, then a lot of the relationships just dissolved. And...
that goes into a whole different ballpark of like quality versus quantity of friends and loved ones. And you know, my world is maybe what the general society would say is pretty small. and that's due to a lot of the boundaries that I've set, but that feels comfortable for me. That feels safe for me. and I had to get over that hump of like, looking at my life and having all of these people in it mattered.
Well, if I'm resentful and angry and burnt out most of the time, is it though? Is it? You know, am I showing up to events cranky and not wanting to go and feeling like I don't have, you know, anybody helping me or supporting me? Like, that's not a quality of life.
Sarah (31:14)
Yeah, is it? Is it?
Yeah. Yeah.
casey (31:30)
And the grief is hard. It takes time. But again, my same tools come with that, right? You don't do it alone. Name it for what it is, you know, and go back to some safety tools as you process that. It takes time. And all of this is over the span of many years. So, yeah.
Sarah (31:44)
Mm -hmm.
years. Absolutely. It's a journey. It's a lifelong thing really, I think, honestly. I don't know that there's like a mastering it, but you know, and engaging and maybe backing away and then re -engaging and then discovering where else it's showing up in your world and you know, the dance. The dance. The dance of healing. Yeah.
casey (31:53)
God no.
Yeah. The dance.
Hmm one more thing I was gonna throw in You know going to food and body with this, you know, like the power of saying no I remember for me was like this certain like Food item that I bought at the store. That was more like diet esque my whole life
Sarah (32:27)
Yeah.
casey (32:35)
Yes.
What's a real one taste like?
When I tried it, I was like, mmm, that's good.
So I always make fun of, kindly, cauliflower rice as an example for my clients about setting boundaries around food. And if you find me, if somebody comes in to any of our platforms and can let me know that they thoroughly enjoy cauliflower rice, I'll give you $10. $10 gift card to Starbucks, you know, but I need video of you like.
Sarah (33:03)
Yeah!
Cauliflower fries.
$10 gift card to Starbucks.
casey (33:23)
eating it and enjoying it and loving it, you know? Exactly. Exactly. So saying no and even yes to counteract some of the nos of foods that you like, you know, I remember always being judged for being a plain eater, for being a, you know, an eater that didn't like certain sauces and like cuisines and all that kind of stuff.
Sarah (33:24)
like exuding from your being the joy right like we need to see the aura of joy yeah
casey (33:52)
You know, I had a grilled cheese with tomato soup last night and it was delightful. And like not allow, like I can say no to certain foods and I can also say yes. Like because that's aligned with what makes me happy. When I enjoy what's satisfying to me and getting rid of things that don't taste good. You know, like you don't have to eat certain things out of obligation to others.
Sarah (33:56)
Delish, delish.
Yeah.
casey (34:20)
out of obligation to diet culture world, right? That takes time obviously and that's a big step, but I want people to know that the saying no and also honoring your yes crosses all boundaries in your life, like all roles in your life. So say no to cauliflower rice if you don't like it.
Sarah (34:27)
Yeah.
Yeah, the take home, right? The headline.
casey (34:44)
Jago! Just like eat whatever you were intentionally trying to eat in the first place. Whatever that is.
Sarah (34:51)
-huh. Whatever that is. Yeah. Mm -hmm. Yep. Yep. It's just like coming home to yourself. Like what does the no feel like? What does the yes feel like? How do you differentiate the two? Right? There's the work with food, with body, with relationships, with work, with everything.
casey (35:02)
Exactly.
Yeah, take your time. Small steps matter. Lean on people. Lean on safety.
Sarah (35:20)
Yeah. Love it. Well, thank you, my friend.
casey (35:25)
Thank you. It's a pleasure.
Sarah (35:27)
Always, always, always. All right, everybody, that's it for saying no for today. I'm sure we're gonna keep talking about it over and over again because it's what we do. But yeah, we'll be back next week with another episode. And until then, take good care.
Reclaim Therapy is a trauma focused therapy practice that provides trauma therapy, therapy for eating disorders, EMDR Therapy and Complex PTSD treatment.
Our team is passionate about helping people reclaim their lives from diet culture, body shame and the impact of trauma.
We would love to support you as you Reclaim YOU and the life that you undeniably deserve.