How to Support Someone With An Eating Disorder
Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions that can have severe physical, emotional, and psychological impacts.
They are often misunderstood, leading to misconceptions about what recovery might look like and stigma around who might be struggling. For loved ones of people struggling with eating disorders, providing the right support is crucial, yet can be very challenging.
This blog post hopes to equip you with the knowledge and tools to start to support your loved one through their recovery process.
Understanding Eating Disorders
Eating disorders encompass a range of conditions characterized by abnormal eating behaviors and a preoccupation with food, weight, and body image.
The most common types of eating disorders include anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, orthorexia, ARFID and binge eating disorder.
Anorexia nervosa involves severe restriction of food intake, an intense fear of gaining weight, and a distorted body image.
Bulimia nervosa is marked by cycles of binge eating followed by compensatory behaviors such as vomiting, excessive exercise, or laxative use.
Orthorexia is typically seen with an obsession or preoccupation with health and “healthy” foods.
ARFID is an eating disorder that is marked by significant fear of food, extreme pickiness, sensory aversions and often little interest in food.
Binge eating disorder is characterized by recurrent episodes of eating large quantities of food without subsequent purging behaviors.
Eating disorders are often linked to underlying issues such as trauma, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Understanding these connections is essential for providing compassionate and effective support.
The Role of Trauma in Eating Disorders
Trauma can play a significant role in the development and maintenance of eating disorders. Traumatic experiences, whether physical, emotional, or sexual, can lead to coping mechanisms that manifest as disordered eating behaviors. For many, controlling food intake and becoming numb from feeling becomes a way to manage overwhelming emotions.
Recognizing the impact of trauma is crucial in supporting your loved one with an eating disorder; their struggles are not simply appearance based. Eating disorders are often strategies that were developed to cope with traumatic or emotionally overwhelming experiences.
How to Recognize Symptoms of an Eating Disorder
Early recognition of eating disorder symptoms is key in accessing treatment early and quickly.
A preoccupation with body size and food.
Rigid food rules and rituals around meal times and food
Frequent body checking including weighing, use of mirrors, and physical body checks
Withdrawal from social interactions and activities.
Cutting out entire food groups.
Irregularities in, or loss of, menstrual patterns
Gastrointestinal complaints including constipation, upset stomach, and reflux
Dry skin, damaged nails, and hair and hair loss
Feeling cold much of the time
Dizziness upon standing or changing positions
Problems going to sleep or staying asleep
Abnormalities in blood work
If you observe these signs, approach your loved one with sensitivity and concern, avoiding accusations or judgment.
Communicate with Compassion
Effective communication is the cornerstone of providing support to a loved one struggling with an eating disorder.
It’s best to find a private setting to discuss your concerns. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and observations without sounding accusatory.
For example, say, "I’ve noticed you seem stressed around meal times, and I’m worried about you." Listen actively, giving your loved one space to share their feelings without interrupting or offering unsolicited advice.
Avoid simplistic solutions like “Just eat more” or “It’s not that hard,” as these statements can minimize their struggle and create tension in not only your relationship, but their relationship with believing in their ability to engage in eating disorder recovery.
What to Say When: Responding to Common Comments
Navigating conversations with someone who has an eating disorder can be delicate. Here are some common comments they might make and how you can respond supportively:
Comment: "I feel so fat."
Response: "I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Your feelings are valid, but I wonder what else might be going on for you? Can we talk about what’s might be so scary about your body changing? What you might believe about yourself?
Comment: "I can’t eat that. It’s too many calories."
Response: "I understand you’re worried about the calories, but your health and nourishment matter. Can we find a way to focus on how this food can help your body and mind stay strong."
Comment: "I’m not hungry."
Response: "I understand. Sometimes our bodies don’t send the right signals. It’s important to eat regularly so that our bodies can learn to send hunger and fullness signals. I care about you and want you to keep your energy up.."
Comment: "I need to go for a run to burn this off."
Response: "Exercise can be great when it’s joyful and fun. Remember, you never have to compensate for what you have eaten, your body knows what to do. It’s important to rest and let our bodies recover. Maybe we could do something relaxing together instead?"
Comment: "Everyone is judging me for how I look."
Response: "It’s tough to feel judged, but your worth isn’t determined by your appearance. People who care about you value you for who you are, not what you look like."
Comment: "I don’t deserve to eat."
Response: "You always deserve to eat and nourish your body. Eating is a basic human need, and you have the right to take care of yourself."
Comment: "I feel out of control."
Response: "I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. It sounds so overwhelming. How can I support you in moving this energy?"
Comment: "I hate my body."
Response: "I’m so sorry you feel that way. Your body is so much more than how it looks, it works to support you all day everyday. How would it feel to talk about things that bring you joy?
Comment: "I just want to be perfect."
Response: "Perfection is an illusion. Clinging to the idea of perfection will only keep you suffering. It’s okay to be human and have flaws. What if we focused on what makes you uniquely you, rather than perfection?"
Comment: "I’m afraid of gaining weight."
Response: "Gaining weight can be scary, but it’s part of getting healthy. How can I support you in feeling safer and more comfortable during this process?"
Offering Emotional Support
Supporting a loved one with an eating disorder requires emotional resilience and empathy.
Validate their feelings by acknowledging their emotions without judgment, trying to argue with them or fix how they’re feeling in the moment.
Statements like “I understand this is really hard for you, how can I support you?” can be very comforting.
Be patient, as recovery from an eating disorder is a long process with ups and downs. Relapses happen, and it isn’t a reflection on your loved one’s hard work or desire for recovery. Patience and consistency are key.
Gently suggesting seeking help from a therapist, dietitian, or support group, and offer to assist in finding resources or accompanying them to appointments if they’re comfortable with it.
Educate yourself about eating disorders to better understand what your loved one is going through.
Practical Ways to Support Recovery
Practical support can make a significant difference in your loved one’s eating disorder recovery journey.
Ensure your home is a safe space free from comments or behaviors related to food and bodies. Understanding how harmful talking about diets, weight, workout programs and making comments about your own body is an important part of supporting your loved one. This may be an entry point into doing some work of your own around your relationship with food and your body.
Help plan and prepare meals, and join them during meals to provide a sense of normalcy and support. If needed coach and encourage them through meal times without pressuring them. encouraging them that their body is worthy of being nourished and although uncomfortable, they are capable of doing hard things. If your loved one is working with a therapist, suggest engaging in coping tools together around meal times or tough body image moments.
It is also imporant to establish healthy boundaries to protect your own mental health while supporting your loved one. This might look like individual therapy or group support for caregivers.
Self-Care for Supporters
Supporting someone with an eating disorder can be emotionally taxing. Prioritizing your own well-being is crucial to sustain your ability to help. Seek support by joining support groups for families and friends of individuals with eating disorders to share experiences and gain insights.
Practice self-compassion by acknowledging your own feelings and allowing yourself to take breaks when needed.
Engage in stress relieving activities that help you relax and recharge, such as joyful movement, hobbies, or mindfulness practices.
Professional Help and Treatment Options
Eating disorder therapy is an important part of eating disorder recovery. Understanding the available options can help you guide your loved one towards the right resources. Trauma focused therapy can address underlying issues and experiences and promote healthier behaviors.
Regular check-ups with a healthcare provider are essential to monitor physical health and address any medical complications.
Dietitians specializing in eating disorders can support you and your loved one in restoring healthy eating patterns. Depending on the severity of the disorder, intensive treatment or other higher levels of care may be necessary. These programs can offer structured support and a multidisciplinary approach to stabilization in recovery.
Encouraging Long-Term Recovery
Recovery from an eating disorder is an ongoing process that extends beyond initial treatment.
Celebrate milestones by acknowledging progress and celebrating achievements, no matter how small. Continue to be an active part of their support system, attending therapy sessions if appropriate and staying informed about their treatment plan.
Promote a body positive lifestyle by encouraging activities that promote overall well-being, such as hobbies, social interactions, and self-care practices.
Supporting a loved one with an eating disorder is a challenging, but important role.
By understanding the complexities of eating disorders, communicating with compassion, providing practical and emotional support, and encouraging professional treatment, you can make a significant positive impact on their recovery journey.
Remember to take care of yourself as well, because you can’t pour from an empty cup.
🧡,
Looking for eating disorder treatment in Pennsylvania?
Reclaim Therapy is a group of eating disorder therapists in Horsham, PA who are passionate about helping people reclaim their relationship with their bodies and food. We provide therapy for binge eating, anorexia, bulimia, orthorexia, ARFID and disordered eating in Pennsylvania.