Reclaim You- How Clothes Can Support Body Acceptance
Season 1: Episode 12- How Clothes Can Support Body Acceptance with Emily
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Who hasn't experienced the frustration of inconsistent clothing sizes or the pressure to fit into a certain size?
If you've ever felt defined by the number on your clothing tag, this episode is for you.
We share our personal journeys in navigating the challenging terrain of body acceptance and fashion trends, discussing how our relationships with clothing have evolved over time. From the personal challenges of clothing shopping, to our experiences with anxiety and shame tied to clothing sizes. We'll dive deep into the complex relationship between clothing and body image, and how it can serve as a powerful tool for self-expression and even provide a sense of security and belonging.
In the second part of our discussion, we disrupt the traditional narrative around clothing sizes and body worth. We've been able to redefine the meaning of clothing sizes for ourselves and we share the wisdom we've gained during this process.
Hear our insights on finding comfort in clothing, identifying, and addressing the underlying beliefs causing anxiety and shame related to clothing. We also talk about the importance of supporting influencers challenging the arbitrary sizing system, and debunk the notion that our value is determined by the numbers on a clothing tag.
Join us on this empowering journey, because you are more than a size!
Thanks for listening to Reclaim You with Reclaim Therapy!
To learn more about Reclaim Therapy and how to work with a therapist on the team, head to www.reclaimtherapy.org.
Be sure to comment, like and subscribe here, or on YouTube and come follow along on Instagram!
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Sarah
Host
00:01
Hi there, welcome to Reclaim you, a podcast published by the Reclaim Therapy team. Join us as we share stories, tools and insights on how to reclaim you in the wake of trauma, disordered eating and body shame. Grab your coffee, tea or your favorite snack and get cozy, because we're about to dive in.
Sarah
Host
00:18
Welcome back to Reclaim you. We're just talking about how today it's the 11th and that means it's Amazon Prime Day. Emily and I last minute decided to change the topic we were talking about today. We're going to talk about clothes.
Emily
Co-host
00:35
Yeah yeah, clothes are tough, especially in the summer.
Sarah
Host
00:41
Yeah, for sure.
Emily
Co-host
00:42
It's a hard time.
Sarah
Host
00:45
Shorts and lighter stuff and different materials right Kind of less. It feels like less hiding.
Emily
Co-host
00:51
Yeah absolutely.
Sarah
Host
00:53
And then there's the side of things Amazon Prime Day, kind of like compulsively shopping. There's so much that we could talk about with clothes and shopping and all of the things we were just saying. We have Amazon carts with clothes in them. We're going to look at the discount, so it's hard.
Emily
Co-host
01:10
Way too many clothes. But, yeah, there's a lot wrapped up in clothes, whether it's how you feel in clothes, how they look on your body, how you think they look on your body, like you were saying how you want them to look on your body. Absolutely yeah, there's so much wrapped up in clothing and a lot of a lot of anxiety, a lot of shame, hard.
Sarah
Host
01:31
It is really hard. How, over the years for you, as you've gone through different seasons of your life and different seasons of your own recovery, how have you maybe personally coped with the saying goodbye to clothes, the grieving of clothes, the purchasing of new clothes, maybe playing with clothes and style and expression or comfort, or any of those things? What's that process been like for you? Because I feel like it's different for everyone.
Emily
Co-host
02:00
Yeah, yeah, that's actually. I really like that. You brought that up because that's been a really it's been a complicated relationship for me because I've always I love clothes, I love shopping, I love fashion and like putting outfits together.
Sarah
Host
02:16
You are usually very like. Stylish, I'm like, and hip. How old am I? I'm not sure, but trendy I'm drive Like what are the?
Emily
Co-host
02:24
what are the kids wearing? What are the? What are the Gen Z's wearing? Right, I wear yoga pants all the time, but that is something like ever since I was in, like middle school, like I've loved fashion and expressing myself in that way. That definitely gets really complicated when you're in the midst of an eating disorder.
02:48
I remember that that was a huge trigger for me. Like I have this very vivid memory of putting this shirt on in my room when I was like 14 years old and just like breaking down and like to this day, like I still remember it, like I remember what the shirt looked like, like I remember where I was, like it was just like this, this pivotal moment, and I feel like that was kind of the moment where things changed for me. Like it was like I feel like I have to dress a certain way, whether I like it or not, if it's, if it is the thing that's trendy, that's the thing that I have to wear, and that's, I think, the first time that I really became aware of sizes as well. Like it was like not only do I have to wear this trendy thing, but I have to wear it in the smallest size that it comes in, or like the smallest size that I can fit in. And if I can't fit in that that's my problem. I have to find myself to be able to fit in this.
03:52
So that got really complicated and it ended up in a place where I was kind of all over the place like trying to find who I was and like what felt right for me, but I was also just really, really uncomfortable.
Sarah
Host
04:06
I was really embarrassed.
Emily
Co-host
04:07
I was full of shame and just really blaming myself. This is supposed to be easy, right Like I'm just supposed to be able to have this body about the media and the diet culture, and like all the magazines and stuff that I would read, like I guess it was accurate, oh my God. Like 17 Cosmo Teen Vote, like all of it, like I was like obsessed with it.
Sarah
Host
04:29
But then it was very much like, oh, like.
Emily
Co-host
04:32
that's what I have to look like, and if I don't, my fault?
Sarah
Host
04:35
Yeah, At the time did it feel like and I think you said this or alluded to this did it feel like wearing the thing and fitting in the thing and looking like the people would bring you belonging with the people you wanted to be with, or what felt like it? Maybe you have a different perspective now than you did that, but what was that steak? Because it feels like at 14, there's so much that feels like. Is that steak all the time? Yeah, absolutely.
Emily
Co-host
05:00
I think a lot of it was friends and crushes at the time. So it was like oh, if I look a certain way, everybody's gonna wanna be with me, everybody's gonna wanna be my friend, no one's gonna hurt me, no one's gonna leave me, because I'm just gonna have all these things that make me so special and so strong. How could anyone ever hurt me? And I was definitely a perfectionist as a kid.
05:27
So, like I mean still have those tendencies for sure, but like I think that perfectionism came in too of oh, like if I'm gonna do this, I have to do it the right way and I have to do it all the way. Or like why do?
Sarah
Host
05:43
it at all. Sure, sure Enter eating disorder, probably body dysmorphic stuff. What was that journey like from there? Obviously, you know you're eating disorder and I'm saying obviously because you've talked about it on the podcast before but yeah, what was that trajectory like and at what point did you feel some shifts in your relationship with clothing?
Emily
Co-host
06:07
Yeah, yeah, I think really finding my style that took a long time. Like I like all through college, like it wasn't really set in stone and I really struggled with that. I think, like early 20s, I finally started to get a sense of like okay, this is who I am Like, this is the style that feels good. I feel like this kind of like expresses who I am Like. It allows me to be fun, it allows me to be creative. But sizes were still really really hard for me. Like I would, you know, go shopping Like think I was a certain size. If I tried that on and it didn't fit, it was very, very emotional, it was very hard. I really beat up on myself.
06:53
Going through my closet was hard because I do like clothing, I do shop a fair bit. So there would be times that I'm like all right, I have too much stuff. I have to go through it and trying things on Like if they didn't fit anymore. That would kind of elicit a similar response. So I would say it was really in my mid 20s.
07:11
I finally started to be like why am I doing this to myself? Like I started to notice the link between like I put this thing on, it's not comfortable, it doesn't fit my body, and then I just think about it more. Like I just think about no, I'm uncomfortable. I'm so aware of my body, like it's just, it's terrible. Like it leads to like a terrible day when I'm like wearing these things and it just kind of like hit me and I was like I like why don't I just get things that actually fit me? I think that's another thing. That's hard. It's always like oh well, if I have to go up a size or whatever it may be, I'm not gonna like these things. That's not true.
07:55
Like I think being able to experiment and like find things that you like, like find influencers who maybe have a body that looks similar to yours, who are like I'm out here wearing these things. I wish you like it's fun. I'm expressing myself.
Sarah
Host
08:12
That was like really fun, especially now like back in the day or like back when you were early 20s influencers weren't a thing.
Emily
Co-host
08:19
Right, that's been awesome for the past couple of years just seeing mid-sized bodies and like plus size body, like all types of bodies just out there being like you know what. I love fashion, I love expressing myself in this way, and it does not matter what my body looks like. That's been so awesome to see, yeah absolutely.
Sarah
Host
08:36
Do you feel like that realization came for you as you were progressing through your recovery? Was it when you had kind of left some of the more eating disorder symptoms, behaviors behind that? You were more just kind of like settling in and saying wait, who am I? It feels so connected to the identity piece. So if you're no longer just the eating disorder and the urges and the impulses, of course everyone is so much more than that. But to have distance from that to say who actually am I and how do I express that Feels like a and maybe I'll say a common like trajectory in some ways.
Emily
Co-host
09:08
Totally, totally, and with my own recovery, I kind of addressed the food stuff on its own when I was in high school or early college, but I never addressed the body image side of things. So that stayed with me for much, much longer until like my early mid-20s when I was finally like okay, this isn't right, like this isn't normal, I don't want to feel like this, I don't have to feel like this so that with with clothing I think too like that kind of came from that, that work that I did with my body and just kind of healing that relationship Making that recognition of I don't need to make my body fit in something that's not comfortable, I don't need to do anything that doesn't feel good for me. This, this has to be something that Feels good, that brings me joy, that that doesn't make me feel shame.
Sarah
Host
10:01
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I love that. I love that and I know one of the most common, I guess, insights that we'll share with folks is, when you're having, like a body image attack, just put something on. That's comfortable, but you're not going to be hyper-vigilant about the trying to be pushing and pulling and checking and moving and and all of those things.
Emily
Co-host
10:20
So comfort is so important, yeah, and I think it's scary at first to do that, like this idea of putting something on that's comfortable, because that might mean getting something new or getting something in in a size that Makes you feel anxious or or shame or or whatever it may be. So I know that, that that's a really scary thing at first, but I think showing your body that compassion, after you do it a couple times it's like, oh, I'm actually not thinking about my body at all.
Sarah
Host
10:54
Mm-hmm. It's, it's very freeing, and I'm thinking about the meaning that so many of us attach to the numbers, the size. Can you talk about, about that a little bit, of even how to start to challenge that, or or anything like reframes, getting curious about that, those types of meanings that can be made so easily.
Emily
Co-host
11:18
I think the things that have been helpful In my own journey and that I've also seen be helpful for clients, obviously like one of my go-tos, I think that can be helpful in moments that are harder reminding yourself my body doesn't have to fit into the clothes, the clothes have to fit my body. Yes, that was like a huge thing for me and something that I've also Notice that I think is really cool. Like going back to social media and influencers I think that there are a lot of influencers out there that are really putting retailers on blast and being like.
11:54
These sizes make no sense, like they're holding up like, you know, same cut but like different fabrics and like same size and they fit completely differently. So I think, yeah, having these people out there that are really actually showing us this is made up like it makes no sense, helping people kind of take some, some power back and being like, oh, it's not about the number, because, like the numbers made up by some, like probably old dude.
Sarah
Host
12:24
Do you know what dude? Yeah, like yeah, I'm a man's money making us feel like crap.
Emily
Co-host
12:30
Yeah, absolutely so. I think that's been really cool to see like the actual, like visually this means Nothing.
Sarah
Host
12:39
Absolutely nothing. Yeah, it's all made up.
Emily
Co-host
12:42
That's such a great point and I don't myself and I've full clients. If you're having a hard Time with sizes, or like you're struggling, pull up a video Like that's been like really helpful in the moment. Just have somebody there being like nope, like this isn't real, it's not your fault, it's their fault.
Sarah
Host
12:57
I'm thinking too about looking at numbers and sizes and all of that. Yeah, it's totally made up, and if you're feeling shame or like you're Not doing things right or you should be a different number, it feels important to get underneath that and go to feeling underneath it of feeling out of control or feeling Parallelist, or feeling not good enough or feeling like you'll never belong or any of those, those beliefs that are really simmer underneath. That's making things flare up that you should quote unquote, should be Different, or appear different.
Emily
Co-host
13:32
Yeah, absolutely that, that idea, that belief that that these are things that can you determine belonging, determine worth, and I think that that is really important to do that work there and really kind of break those things apart. Your body doesn't determine your worth, it doesn't determine your belonging, even though sometimes we hold so tightly to that because it feels like something that we can control.
Sarah
Host
13:58
Yeah, I'm thinking of like 14-year-old little you with that like so much as at stake and wanting to fit in and, you know, feel good enough and be cool, you know, and how that just like replays over and over again until you can start to do some of this deeper work and see the reality of the world and the systems that are in place to make us feel not good enough.
Emily
Co-host
14:21
That definitely started to fall away for me, like this idea of I have to look a certain way, I have to be a certain size, I think, once I really started to come into my own and be like no, like I actually like who I am, like I'm pretty cool, like I have all these things to offer.
14:38
That was really healing and kind of gave 14-year-old me that reassurance You're good as you are, like. You don't need all these things for people to love you, for people to accept you. You already had it, you had it all along. Yeah, that was really powerful.
Sarah
Host
14:59
Love note to Teenage Emily. I love it. But then what do you do with all the old clothes, Clothes that don't fit, that you're not comfortable in? Maybe you change your style, but you still love the certain thing. What's that process like?
Emily
Co-host
15:12
Yeah, that's hard. Definitely have to do a lot of self care leading up to that and after that, for sure. The thing that's coming to mind is like the Marie Kondo method. Did you watch that?
Sarah
Host
15:26
I never watched it, but of course I've heard like so much about it but I never actually watched it because I'd probably get rid of my whole house if I did, because it's so freeing, yeah, but I actually I really liked how she handled getting rid of clothing.
Emily
Co-host
15:39
Like I thought it was like in a really gentle way, obviously getting out your entire closet and putting it on your bed. I don't know if I would go that far. We can definitely break it up Looking at something and being like does this bring me joy? That was her big question. Does this item bring me joy? If the answer is no, can I thank it for its service and maybe donate it to someone else who it might bring joy to? That I think has been. I don't know, there's just something about that that's like really beautiful and like peaceful and like compassionate.
16:12
So I've done that. I've had clients who have done that and they've said it's been a positive experience. Obviously, I think, breaking it down, you don't need to go through your entire closet in one day.
Sarah
Host
16:24
Right, that feels like a lot.
Emily
Co-host
16:26
Yeah, really small chunks at a time. And I get the regular question of you know well what if I just like really don't feel ready to give this up, that's okay. Sometimes we're not there yet. Let's just show ourselves some compassion, and I always recommend in those moments can we get like a tote or a bin and maybe put that thing in the bin and put it somewhere out of sight, so it's not like you're going into your closet and you're overwhelmed with all these things. You don't know how they fit you. If that's a piece of clothing that falls into that category but you don't want to give it up, let's just move it.
Sarah
Host
17:05
We want to get a little bit of the line of vision so that you're like struck with even just like triggers of oh I could, I could do something about this to get back, or whatever it is. It can be really helpful just to move it. I think you're right, yeah, and I'm just thinking about the grief of Like losing a body that you had in some season of your life, and in each season of life we're going to have different bodies, because that's just how things actually work. We're not just static bodies all of the time. But, yeah, the grief involved in that of maybe what the clothing meant, or that you really loved the things or you loved how it looked, it's okay to grieve. It's okay to grieve your clothing and what it meant to you.
Emily
Co-host
17:48
Yeah, I think that's a really important part of that too Feel your feels throughout that process. We want to make sure that it doesn't go to a point like you were saying, like oh, like now I have to change something, like now I have to, you know, get back into these things. But absolutely feel your feels, because it is hard and there is so much meaning, whether it's I like how this looked, like I missed my body, or even I wore this to like an event that was really special to me, like whatever it is like, there's so much meaning wrapped up in clothes and we do just sometimes have to grieve and that's okay.
Sarah
Host
18:22
So I'm curious your Amazon cart back to Prime Day. What's your process of going through? Like Prime Day, it's very they're smart, right? They're smart, huge overlord of the shopping industry, right, with the discounts, how are you going to go through and decide what you want, what you need, what's practical, what's not, what's impulsive? What's that like for you?
Emily
Co-host
18:46
Oh, that's hard. I think like going through the list and, like you were saying, just asking yourself do I need this? Realistically, have I survived this one without it? If it's not, you know, like something household-y or whatever it may be how often am I going to use this?
19:03
That can be helpful to narrow down the list a little bit, but I don't. I think it's also okay to treat yourself sometimes, you know, I think we need to take that into consideration too. Like not everything has to be this very black and white. This has a purpose, so like I'll get it, and if it doesn't, I don't need it. So it's a fine line, but like really taking that into consideration too. So sometimes setting a boundary with yourself too what are the things I need?
19:31
I can get those, but then if there's some of these other things like I don't want to deprive myself, maybe like let me set a budget or let me get like one or two things that can be helpful to kind of, you know, weed out some of the things that you don't necessarily need but you want, while not taking it to an extreme oh, I'm going to get everything, and then that's going to maybe feel uncomfortable financially or whatever might come up in that situation, yeah, and it's so easy to be impulsive, just online shopping now, because you just press a button and it almost feels sometimes it feels like so disconnected that you're just doing it, and it's something that I'm trying to pay more attention to.
20:10
Same. It's hard because it is so easy and so instant and I mean it's that like dopamine hip right, oh, like this is fun and it's going to be at my house in two days. So I think that's been helpful, because I do love to buy things, giving myself that permission to be like you can get something, like it's not like you can't get anything, but like let's just like set some limits here and if you don't get it right now, it doesn't mean it's going anywhere, save it for later.
Sarah
Host
20:39
That's so true, right? Just because it's Prime Day Prime days, I guess, is what two days and there's a discount Doesn't mean that it's not going to be there in a month. Like sure, you might not get the 10, 20% off, which, yes, is helpful and exciting, and you know if you really want it in a month or two, yeah, and if Prime Day feels too overwhelming because it is like you also don't have to participate, Like that's also a fact, these things are still going to be there.
21:08
Yeah, you can divest from the chaos and the frenzy of discounts which just makes you buy more. You know it's all part of the greater system.
Emily
Co-host
21:17
I saw an influencer post yesterday Like she was like oh, like, I'll share some things for tomorrow, but also just want to remind everybody that these things do go on sale a lot, so if you don't get it tomorrow or you want to wait, you'll be okay.
Sarah
Host
21:30
That was like that's a helpful reminder, but it's a really helpful reframe. So take homes about shopping clothes, being with that ever-changing and evolving process of dressing yourself in a way that feels comfortable and expressive and authentic.
Emily
Co-host
21:50
So I think some big reframes, doing some work around, like you were saying, like what are the things underneath this? Like what are the things that I want that I'm afraid of, so that we can kind of get more in touch with our authentic selves, is really important. Reminding yourself that the clothes need to fit you, that you don't need to fit the clothes, and that once you get over that initial stress, that initial fear like that is so freeing to put something on that's comfortable and something that you like and recognize, I feel good and I'm not really paying attention to my body. I think that that's really important and playing around with style, find people, whether it's in your day-to-day life or like online, that you admire, that you look up to and try it out. I think that it's something that can be really fun and really expressed Once we can get away from this idea. I can only do this if I look a certain way, love those take-homes.
Sarah
Host
22:56
The other take-home from this episode is that we're going to design a t-shirt of some sort and it's going to say in my reclaiming era, this all happened before we started recording, so keep an eye out for our new t-shirt that's going to be coming to the store.
Emily
Co-host
23:09
Very excited. I will be purchasing that immediately.
Sarah
Host
23:15
We'll work on it everyone. We'll put a link up once it's good and ready to go. Okay, well, thank you, emily, love this conversation. I'm sure we could talk more and more about it over time, but some really super helpful take-homes. All right, everybody, we'll be back next week and until then, take good care of yourself.
Sarah
Host
23:34
Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of Reclaim you. Be sure to like, comment and subscribe, and check us out on YouTube at Reclaim you. If you're looking to start therapy for trauma, disordered eating or body image concerns, head over to our website at wwwreclaimtherapyorg to learn more about us and our work. We'll be back next week with another episode. Until then, take good care of yourself.
Reclaim therapy provides body image counseling and eating disorder therapy in Pennsylvania. Our therapists are committed to holding supportive space for people considering weight loss surgeries, or who have had them and are hoping to recover from disorder eating.
We also provide therapy for childhood trauma and PTSD treatment in Pennsylvania and Horsham, PA.
If you’re looking for support in recovery from trauma or disordered eating, we’re so glad you found us.