Therapy for Breakfast: Trust the Process
Quite a few years ago, I saw Food Network chef and host Alton Brown perform at a local food and wine festival.
Fully expecting a high-brow demonstration of how to cook some complicated culinary cuisine, I was instead surprised, and a bit disappointed, to hear him wax poetic about the art of making the perfect omelet. An omelet? Dude…seriously? WTF?
despite my irritation, i didn’t leave.
Instead, I listened and watched as Alton revealed his proven process to achieve breakfast bliss:
1. Temper the eggs: Cold eggs plus a hot pan = disaster.
2. Check the pan: It’s important to wait and check the pan. Throw a few drops of water in and listen for the slow sizzle that signals a perfect pan. Put your eggs in before or after, and your omelet will suffer.
3. Let it be: Pour the eggs in the pan, stir for a few seconds, then put down the spatula! Too much stirring will lead not to a fluffy omelet, but scrambled eggs.
ok, alton, good advice, i suppose.
So, I tried it at home with good results. This whole perfect omelet thing had some validity.
I continue to recall these instructions each time I whip up breakfast.
Yet, this culinary wisdom has also guided me in my own journey of healing.
We often enter therapy expecting answers.
“How do I do this?” “What steps can I follow?” “What’s the quickest path to enlightenment where all my problems will be solved, and I can start living again?!”
We get frustrated when such questions are met not with clear answers, but more questions.
Time wears on and the road to recovery becomes rocky and winding. We wonder if healing is even possible.
We look to other places for quick fixes - different therapists and therapies, programs, groups – searching outside of ourselves for that which can only be found within.
this is where the egg meets the pan, if you will.
Just like time and patience are crucial ingredients in perfecting an omelet, they are also necessary components in the healing process:
TEMPER YOUR EXPECTATIONS
Tempering the eggs is akin to tempering our expectations when we enter into therapy. When I stared the process years ago, I figured I’d do the work assigned, achieve enlightenment, and be cured.
Needless to say, I had to adjust my expectations along the way.
CHECK IN
The process of omelet-making includes checking the temperature of the pan. Check-ins are also an important part of the therapeutic process.
Each session we have an opportunity to check in with our therapist and ourselves about how we are in the present moment. What thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and physical sensations are coming up? What feels important to focus on during the session?
We can apply this check-in process more often as we learn to sit with ourselves fully – in times of relative calm and times of distress. In doing so, we become more present, more aware, more grounded, and better able to respond to ourselves and others.
We also check in along the way.
Whether in therapy or on our own, periodic check-ins can help us to take a step back and look at the big picture. This includes our progress, what’s working, what requires more attention, and what we need to continue to grow and heal.
LET IT BE
Alton’s most important lesson that day was one of patience.
Having prepared the eggs and poured them into the pan at the appropriate time, it was time to stand back and let them rest. My resistance kicked into high gear. What? But this is COOKING! I’ve got to get in there and get things going! If I relinquish control over the eggs, surely they won’t turn out the way I hoped…right?
Nope, Alton said.
Exact too much control over an omelet and you wind up with scrambled eggs.
The topic of control comes up often in therapy, too.
Feeling out of control. Wanting to have more control.
It’s important to know the role control plays in our lives. Often, control is less about “rightness” and more about protecting ourselves from the distress and pain of past situations when we lacked control and/or were stripped of it.
No amount of trying to control current relationships and situations will change the past.
Instead, what we often end up with is a scrambled mess of anxiety, disappointment, anger, and pain.
Rather than make healing happen, what if we let it be? What is it like to offer space and compassion and perhaps even acceptance to ourselves along the way?
i recall my long-time therapist’s reminder to me whenever i wanted to give up:
trust the process. trust yourself.
This continues to be my mantra.
The journey of healing would be shorter without allowing for time and patience, but perhaps not easier. Quick fixes are just that…quick. Quick to implement and quick to fall apart.
A treasured quote I carry with me along the way comes from Marcel Proust: “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”
Presence and patience help us to do just that. We sit with our circumstances – with our hopes and fears and anger and pain – and with time and patience and dedication to the process – and to ourselves – we may begin to see our lives in a new light gleaming with healing and hope.
And…when life inevitably serves up scrambled eggs, munch mindfully and mercifully and remember — they, too, offer sustenance to the soul…
Bon Appétit!
🧡,
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