Exercise in Eating Disorder Recovery
Moving our bodes is something the team at Reclaim talks about all the time in the therapy room.
How to understand and dig into intentions for movement.
When to take a break from movement.
How to reincorporate movement into life when there’s pockets of readiness.
And, how to navigate a new relationship with movement- one that isn’t punishing, rigid or compulsive.
quick story…
(If you’d rather skip the story and see the tool we developed to support you, go ahead and scroll to the bottom of this blog!)
Over the weekend I found myself repeating, “Beginner’s mind, Sarah. Beginner’s mind!”
The past few years I’ve taken a solid break from structured movement practices.
I’ve taken occasional stroller walks, chased after my toddlers as they’ve bolted toward walls, wielding capless markers in hand 😱, and have mastered crawling, rolling and squatting to the ground to play with, soothe or pick up one or both of them.
this level of movement has been enough for me throughout this season of my life.
It has felt intuitive, gentle and I’ve been solidly at peace with leaning into rest as I’ve navigated pregnancy and postpartum and many, many, many sleepless nights.
Over the past few months I’ve found myself having more energy (sleeping children is a wonderful thing! I probably just jinxed it 🫠) and have been considering re-engaging in more regular movement.
And, after experiencing some seemingly out of nowhere muscle strains, visits to the doctor and subsequent physical therapy, I decided it could be a good time to lean into some strength training.
→Here’s some background on my personal relationship with movement:
Growing up and throughout college I was an athlete. After college my relationship with movement was complicated- a very common experience for collegiate athletes ending their time in their sport.
Without the structure of showing up for training sessions, practices, off season workouts and regalas (former rower here!) it felt impossible to know what type of movement I actually enjoyed. But there was a strong understanding of what I thought I “should” be doing.
Enter my fair share of years being consumed with rigidity and compulsions to engage in exercise, with a strong intention to maintain or change the way my body looked.
All of this to say… given my history of a disordered relationship with exercise, it has felt important to make space for rest and a slowness in returning to moving my body.
For a decade I’ve been practicing and prioritizing connecting, listening and honoring over disconnecting and grinding.
Walking my walk of active recovery from diet and wellness culture and disordered eating and exercise.
ok, fast-forward to this weekend.
After much research (and consultation with the PT I was working with) I signed up for an app designed for postpartum folks, focused on strengthening the pelvic floor.
I started my workout, slow and steady, and quickly found myself challenged in ways that I haven’t experienced in some time.
In a flash, judgment entered my mind.
Harsh thoughts about previous abilities. How this “should” be. That this idea to re engage in movement is dumb and not worth it.
it’s funny how old, familiar, critical thoughts can come rushing back in.
Enter my mantra, “Beginner’s mind, Sarah! Beginner’s mind.”
Translated from the original word, Shoshin, beginner’s mind is a concept that comes from Zen Buddhism. It refers to having an attitude of openness, curiosity, eagerness and lack of preconceptions and judgment, regardless of what level of experience you have.
Remembering to have a beginner’s mind kept me connected to the experience.
Connected to my why.
Connected to honoring the current abilities of my body and the permission to step outside of what seemed to be unconscious expectation for how this first day of moving (or ongoing movement) would go or feel.
It was uncomfortable at times. But not punishing. Not painful. Not rooted in shame or sneaky intentions.
simply uncomfortable. just like anything you begin, or come back to.
And the following days were spent tending to, stretching, and gently moving to support muscles that hadn’t been used in those ways in quite some time.
I want you to know that returning to movement practices while in recovery from an eating disorder is nuanced. It’s very individual. And, it’s not surprising if you step on a couple proverbial landmines that trigger your eating disorder to feel like it needs to step in and take things from here.
Real talk. Those of us in recovery from disordered eating? It happens to most of us.
No matter how long we’ve been in recovery or what we do for a living.
Because we’re inundated with messages about bodies, health, movement and exercise that work to pull us away from engaging in movement in life enhancing and joyful ways.
Instead, it becomes a grind, a must, a moral obligation and a way to change your body.
the most important thing to remember is that recovery is the act of coming back.
Noticing your triggers, your eating disorder part, your desire for belonging or numbness, and coming back to yourself with compassion, validation and understanding. And making the best choice for yourself from there.
There’s always healing in the return to yourself.
Because we know how hard choosing rest or choosing movement can be for folks who are in recovery, we put together this graphic to support you in making choices that align with your recovery.
Whether you’re contemplating recovery from your eating disorder, are actively in recovery, or you’re ready to take on a new season of recovery, navigating movement can be tricky.
We want you to know that you don’t have to figure it out alone. And, there’s no shame in asking for support.
Here if you need anything
🧡,
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Other Services at Reclaim Therapy
Eating disorder treatment isn’t the only service our team offers. If you are seeking more specialized support, we can also offer EMDR therapy, trauma therapy, therapy for binge eating, body image therapy, and online coaching. Feel free to visit our blog for more helpful information today!