Reclaim You- Embracing Your Authenticity
Season 1: Episode 9- Embracing Your Authenticity with Casey
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Have you ever felt like you've lost touch with your true self after experiencing trauma, disordered eating, or body shame?
Join Sarah and Casey as we share our personal journeys and insights on how to reclaim your authenticity amidst the influences of diet culture, disordered eating, and trauma.
We'll discuss the importance of building trust in ourselves, finding joy and passion in life, what gets in the way of it all, and the necessity of self-compassion and understanding every step of the way.
Feeling an existential crisis creeping up? Consider it an invitation to pause and check in with yourself.
Tune in as we explore how to rely on ourselves in a healthy way, manage expectations, and break free from people-pleasing habits to come back to yourself.
Plus, learn how values work can help you make sense of your relationships and motivations in this empowering conversation.
And, be sure to check out our merch on our website!
Thanks for listening to Reclaim You with Reclaim Therapy!
To learn more about Reclaim Therapy and how to work with a therapist on the team, head to www.reclaimtherapy.org.
Be sure to comment, like and subscribe here, or on YouTube and come follow along on Instagram!
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[00:01] Hi there. Welcome to Reclaim You, a podcast published by the Reclaim Therapy team. Join us as we share stories, tools, and insights on how to reclaim you in the wake of trauma, disordered eating, and body shame. Grab your coffee, tea, or your favorite snack and get cozy, because we're about to dive in.
[00:19] Hey, everybody. Welcome back to reclaim you Hi, Casey. Hi, it. How's it going?
[00:27] I'm good. How about yourself?
[00:30] I'm doing well. I'm excited to make this announcement. Are you ready?
[00:38] Ready.
[00:39] So backstory everybody. A couple of weeks ago it really was just a couple of weeks ago, right?
[00:44] It was.
[00:46] Casey and her husband had a beautiful idea. The practice. Over the past few years, we've opened up a handful of pro bono spots for folks who are experiencing financial hardship and, of course, sliding scale spots we've always had. And we know that the need is there for folks to have some form of financial assistance, and we're doing the very best we can to meet our community's needs in maintaining access to treatment for trauma and eating disorders. So Casey and her husband had a beautiful idea of starting to create merchandise that could help fund this scholarship program. So we've been hard at work, and yeah, we're going to launch the Merch. We're excited. We're excited. So we're going to have sweatshirts, t shirts, mugs. There's a hat on there. We were just talking about designing a bag. So yeah. People are invited to check out the Merch and support the Reclaim community.
[01:53] Yes. It's so exciting.
[01:59] Me too. I'll put the link in the show notes.
[02:04] When you buy something, it is helping someone who really needs the services and doing something for a good cause. So thank you.
[02:13] Absolutely. Yes. Thank you in advance. Thank you in advance. And of course, we're going to continue to do the work that we do with folks who need it and do our best to support them as best as we can. This will just maybe increase our capacity to meet more people's needs when they're having a tough time. All right, let's dive into today's episode. We're talking authenticity.
[02:36] My favorite word.
[02:39] Tell us more.
[02:42] Yes. So this is a word that I feel like is all over my get to know me page on the website. It's probably the thing that I talk about in consults a lot and probably the thing that I talk about the most in sessions. And it's quite a buzzword, which I find kind of a blessing and a curse. It's kind of a bummer because it's kind of like grief. When we talked about grief, like, there are so many perceptions about what grief is, and there are so many perceptions about what authenticity is. Right. And I think how I would describe it to people is living your life in a way that's aligned with who you are, which is, again, a simple definition to a very complex journey.
[03:33] I'm like, oh, ****. Who am I.
[03:37] For the rest of your life, right?
[03:40] Yeah.
[03:41] Forever. So let me preface what it is, a forever journey because we are forever changing beings. But I think that in the work that we do, in working with trauma, working with eating disorders, there is so much that can really change the course of your authenticity over your lifetime that I think most people, most people I'm going to be very confident. Most people do not live an authentic life for many different reasons. There is what we come across a lot is diet culture and trauma. And then there's capitalism. There's culture. There's so many things that tell us who we are. Well, if you have somebody telling you who you are your whole life, then when do you have the opportunity to figure out who the hell you are?
[04:34] Yeah.
[04:35] Never. Which sucks. Totally sucks. But I I tell people when when working with them that that if you don't know who you are, that's okay, right? I think it overwhelms. People, who am I, what's my identity? What do I like? And I think for people who are in a healing journey, it's probably not the first thing you're going to start thinking about. You're going to think about why you're not living an authentic life and having compassion towards that. So diet culture, I'm sure you've heard in all of the podcasts so far, is diet culture tells you how you should be, what you should eat, what you shouldn't eat, how good you should be working out, and all these things that don't ever ask you what you want, ever. So going towards intuitive eating and intuitive movement and all those things are so foreign because there is no trust in who we are. So really good. I'm just thinking of it, I was like, oh my gosh, duh. What I do with clients when I first work with them in kind of like this weird question of, like, what do I want and what are my goals and all of that stuff. I ask them to tell me about a memory that makes them feel joy or contentment or passion, something that made them happy. And I'm putting quotes around that for people who are listening because it may not be happy, maybe another form contentment or something. And they tell the story and they get all into it, right? And you can tell the change in the tone of their voice and their facial expressions and how fast they're talking. And I say, how does that feel? How does it feel to tell me that story? Oh, I forgot I was even in therapy, or like, I wasn't in this space right now, or I just had a flow, or I felt all the tension leave my body. And I say, this is you. This is who you are. Which I guess we can also say that this kind of is reminiscent of the self in parts work, right? So this part that can understand all of the nuances of us and come to a certain agreement. So I think that's a good exercise for anybody to do. Like, you don't need a therapist to guide you through that. You can just do that or really be mindful of how you feel when you're doing things. If you're feeling resentment, maybe that's an invitation to think about, is this what you really want to be doing? There's so much we could talk about.
[07:46] Could you share a little bit about your interest in authenticity? Like yeah, it's like at the root of a lot of our work. And like I was talking about with Laura, I think a couple of weeks ago, the work that we do is personal because it's human. Right. And we all have these experiences which in most part draw us to a certain type of work. Right. So if there's any tidbits from your personal experiences of reclaiming your authenticity and I'm also thinking about the name of the podcast, reclaim you. Right. This is what we're doing and this is what we're hoping to help people do, is reclaim what's true to them. Anyway. That was long winded.
[08:23] No, I love it. I love it. I mean, there's so many parts. I think in the first episode where we talked about the history of diet culture, I kind of told some of my story in terms of always being so hyper vigilant about what people saw me as, right? Being in a bigger body, feeling as though I had to compensate by being smart or being quiet. Now I'm 30 and I am neither of those things all the time. I am not the smartest, and that's okay. And I am obnoxiously loud. And that took time. That took time to own. I mean, I think growing up, I would say that my experience with my own trauma journey obviously created a lot of shame. It created a lot of, like, this is what feels safe to do and to be and to not try new things. And my world was very small. And I think a lot of people who experience trauma, their world becomes very small and really jumping outside of what you know to explore that feels unsafe. So that's another way we are compassionate towards that in the work that we do. And from personal experience, I know that that's really hard, but I also think that every season of my life I learned something new. Like when I graduated high school, when I graduated college, and when my father passed away, and when I met my husband and when we got married. Every time was kind of an invitation to reevaluate who I was. But I think that the biggest part of learning what authenticity was to me was feeling safe to do it. So I think that that is a luxury and a privilege to have that not everybody has a person or a community that they feel safe to explore that. So my husband shout out to Chris was probably the biggest part of me, learning who I was, a person in my life who allowed me to try new things and was always supportive, and if something didn't work out, it didn't work out. And always allowing me to ground back to just the bare basics of who I was. And that was really important, I've told in the beginning, in the first podcast, my total revamp of my external appearance, which is not the most important thing about me, but something that I have felt, that I have tried to do what other people expected from me as a woman, as a professional, as a wife, as a 30 year old. And honestly, I say, **** it to all of that. I don't care anymore. You do not have to dress a certain way because you're a certain age or the role you play or whatever. You do not have to wear makeup if you don't want to. You don't have to get your hair done if you don't want to, but if you do, that's fine, too. Just being able to have choice in that, right? And I think diet culture takes away choice, trauma takes away choice, and most people have been touched by either, if not both, of those things. So if you don't feel safe all the time delving into what feels aligned with you, that's totally okay. I've had moments in my life where it was definitely safer to succumb to diaculture, it was definitely safer to succumb to what my parents expected of me or what my teachers expected of me or what have you. But when I had the chance, I took it. And I think that's what I encourage to everyone, is when you have the chance, you take a little step forward, but if you don't have the opportunity right in front of you, that's totally okay. And being compassionate towards yourself when you're just trying to get by. Authenticity is a luxury in today's society sometimes, and that's really sad to say. Really sad.
[12:42] Yeah. And I'm just envisioning taking little tiptoe steps in, right, and seeing how it feels. This might feel a little scary, going to run out and go back to what feels safe, but it's like the more that we can do that, we can tiptoe in and feel, oh, maybe I can tolerate this. Maybe I won't be rejected. Maybe someone will see me. Maybe someone will affirm me. Right. And then popping back out, but maybe you'll stay longer the next time. Something that we were just talking about before we started recording, and this resonates so much more now is this thought of, I belong here. You belong here with yourself.
[13:15] Yeah. I love that.
[13:19] We're putting it on a bag. We're putting it on a bag.
[13:23] Merch no, I think that's so important because I think when we the simple definition of authenticity, right, can lead people to be very overwhelmed. But the basics go back to what feels good to you. Going out to party or go to a club does not feel good to me. Any days are over. I want to be in the dirt and garden and full potatoes from my garden. That's what makes me happy. Being with certain people in your life, if they don't make you feel good and you have the safety to set boundaries or remove people from your life, that is a part of authenticity. Right? You hear therapists all the time and they're like, boundaries are important. And you're like, this is another reason why. This is another reason why. Because if you feel yourself being continually resentful, angry, frustrated, even anxious and depressed, there are many reasons why those things could be happening. But just to assess, like, what is feeling good in my life and what do I have control over, right? If you have control over something and you have choice, I say just pause and see what's there. We're not judging it. We're not shaming ourselves. It's just what's here. The more you do that, the more you can develop a trust in yourself. We talk about body trust all the time in here. That's hard enough. The mental trust is another piece of it. All of the things that we do, all the work that we do with eating disorders and traumas, coming back to yourself, reclaiming you. Right. It's important for a reason. I say that to clients all the time. Like, you know, our practice is called what it's called. They're like.
[15:35] I get it.
[15:39] But it's coming back to you. And the more we learn to rely on ourselves in a healthy way, not in a hyper independent way, but in a way of I can rely on myself to tell me what I need. I can have intuition and I can trust that maybe some of that resentment will go away. Maybe some of that existential cris you may be feeling will start to fade away because, hey, that's a buzzword too. But if you're starting to feel like that, anybody that's an evaluation to pulse. Just pause. Yeah, check out what's happening. Invitation for anybody who's feeling like they want to buy a Maserati and move to Bali. I thought that once or twice.
[16:25] Sure. I mean, Bali sounds lovely, right?
[16:28] It does sound lovely. Just leave everything.
[16:33] Well, just like take the things that feel and like the people that feel the best, take them with you.
[16:38] Take them in the Maserati if they fit.
[16:41] Yeah, cool. Pile them in.
[16:43] Your therapists feel this way too, guys, just throwing it out there. We all feel this way every once in a while.
[16:48] Totally. But I love that if you're feeling like it's like this existential worry or angst or it's an indication or an invitation to say, like, what's off, what's not in alignment, like, what's not mine anymore. I think a lot of people, especially in recovery from disordered eating and from diet culture, start to feel that way of, like, I don't think this fits for me anymore. And it's this slow process of starting to send it back where it belongs. You didn't call on this to come in. A lot of times it was planted. You can start to send it back, like, externalize the **** out of that. And the same thing can be about expectations and people pleasing and thinking about all of these different things that really pull us out of our authenticity.
[17:36] I love that. I love that because the thing that I see a lot in the recovery space and the body image space is an evolution of friendship. So much that's been coming up so much in the work that we do. And it's hard because there's this kind of hanging around part inside of us that says, like, friendship scarcity. It says the scarcity mindset is not just food. It's not just its body, its friends. Your whole world gets dismantled in a beautiful way when you're in recovery. Just like we said in the trauma and grief episode. It's like when you unravel something, it doesn't get necessarily better. It gets to, oh, there's that thing too. Okay? But the most freeing conversations I've had with clients are when they finally realize, oh, my God, that person is so not for me. What are they doing here? Right? I don't feel compelled or trapped to keep these people in my life that don't make me feel supported, don't make me feel respected or held or what have you, which is really hard. I call it the female culture, the girl culture, where it's kind of embedded with social media, too, is like, surface level friendships are, like, status quo these days. That's what we know. And then when you start to do all this work and you become very almost vulnerable, I guess, and you go, who can I talk to about this? And when you can't see a friend in your life where you feel safe talking about this stuff, that's an eye opener. Totally. And that's a lot of work. I mean, it could be family, but it can also be friends. It doesn't necessarily not in just one or the other, but that's really hard. Like all of this dismantling. But I find that to be a very rewarding kind of step on the hill, so to speak, that has been really rewarding for people.
[20:20] Yeah. It's so hard too, as adults to make friends, right? Especially if you're craving not this surface level, like, whatever, that's fine to an extent. But when you're craving the depth of friendship and connection and authenticity, right, it's hard to find. And so sometimes letting go of the other kind of surface level friendships that aren't serving you or just engaging in them when it feels necessary or whatever, it can be a really hard process. Back to grief. Of course it's like grieving what? You know, grieving some semblance of connection and trusting in yourself that you're going to find the right people who are going to be able to meet you like the real you and honor that and not judge the depth that you're hoping to experience in relationship.
[21:08] Yes. Which when you were saying that and I'm consumed in listening, I see risk, risk, risk. Right. And if anybody's listening and hears risk inside their head, you're not wrong. The authenticity journey, just like recovery, just like trauma, healing, it's all a risk, right? Because your brain says what we know and what's familiar is safe. Yes, that's true. But is there more out there? Could life be bigger? Does life need to be bigger? Sometimes it doesn't. If your life in extenuating circumstances are stressful and you're just trying to survive, maybe like authenticity journey is not the next thing on your list. It could be. Right, which is why I really tell people it is a privilege to be able to spend that time with yourself. So maybe it's not a thing that you commit wholeheartedly to, but maybe it's something that you spend part of your evening or morning routine just kind of assessing how are we doing, how's our personal life, how's family, how's my hobbies, how's work? Am I feeling any joy in my life? Am I feeling connected and just having a little check in with yourself? It doesn't have to be much, but maybe it's I'm going to get a latte instead of an iced coffee today because that's what I'm feeling, right?
[22:48] Like it sounds yeah, right.
[22:51] That's maybe what I'm getting after this. It might be a sign they're just changing it up. Like maybe trying something you've never tried before or like you put that hobby down for a while because somebody laughed at you or said was dumb or whatever. Maybe it's time to pick it up again. Maybe it's time to go to that book club that you've been looking at on Meetup and never went to. That's me.
[23:25] I want to go to a book club.
[23:29] Yes. I'm going to take my own advice, everyone. Keep me accountable. I'm going to go to that book club.
[23:34] You got this.
[23:35] I got this. But just a little thing. It can be a cup of coffee, but it can also be changing your job. It can be changing a friendship, but it's all about pausing, compassion, choice and action. You don't have to follow them all in one shot, but they're all included.
[23:59] Yeah, it's like this slow build, right? It's like chipping away at it. Chipping away at like, okay, what's next? What little piece of myself is wanting to be heard and seen, whether that's a corner of pleasure or laughter when you haven't actually laughed in like a week. I actually haven't laughed. Laugh like a solid. What is up with that? So let me prioritize finding actual joy and welcoming that back into my being, because it is. It's just like turning towards what's ready to be seen. Like, what do I have capacity for? How can I access this even in the smallest way? Like a little glimmer of it can be enough.
[24:42] Yes, I love that. Have you laughed since just checking in?
[24:47] Oh, probably.
[24:48] Oh, good. Probably love a good laugh.
[24:53] I'm like, I don't know. Have I? Who knows? I'll pay attention.
[24:58] I got to send you some jokes. I'll text you some jokes.
[25:01] Yeah, send me some solid jokes. Some good like memes and stuff.
[25:07] So we're still trying to figure it out. That's okay.
[25:15] Coming back to so much can get in the way. Right. A lot of people who have experienced trauma and complex trauma, they can't trust, right, for really good reason, like, themselves, other people, this response of pleasing and striving to be all of the things to all of the people so that they're constantly disconnected from themselves. There's lots of good reasons why authenticity is really hard on top of just the culture that we live in, when everyone shows their highlight reels or talks about their highlight reels, or that's all we see, or that's kind of all we want to see. We don't see the hard stuff, we don't see the yucky stuff, and how difficult it is to change course and just be with yourself through it.
[25:59] Yes. Which is why I say it is truly a secondary or tertiary part of the journey, especially if you're one experiencing PTSD. It is really not a luxury that you have at that time. And so sometimes your first experiences in practicing that are in a therapy room or in a group therapy session and acknowledging that is important when they do happen, when I see a smile in a session or I hear someone laugh or they talk about something of their own volition, that is where authenticity is showing up. And getting people to understand what that looks like in a safe body and in a safe environment is the first step. So if you're starting your journey, don't worry about it yet. Don't worry about it. This is a future thing, but maybe trying it just in the simplest of terms and it's kind of where body image, eating disorders, and authenticity come into play. Maybe you switch up your cereal today, I don't know, just throwing it out there. Try something different in your coffee, maybe you'll love it.
[27:30] Yeah. And trust yourself. If you hate it, like, cool, don't do it again.
[27:33] But if you love it, don't do it again. You'll learn something new about yourself.
[27:36] Yeah. When you were saying that, I was just thinking this one time, my therapist said something like, oh, ****, you're really having a great time. And I was like, you're right. Right. I hadn't even realized it. And there is this performative thing that can happen of, yeah, I've got it all. I'm cool, I'm good, I'm good. I'm good. Right. Slap on a smile and go, of course, over the years, I've done better with that, but just being seen in that moment and being like, oh, ****, yeah, I'm seeing it too. Like, I'm not okay, that's not great. That's huge for someone to actually see you. So sometimes it is just in therapy room that allows you to see yourself a little bit more deeply.
[28:19] Yes. And that that space to feel validated in that and not feel judged that you're allowed to show up in the raw and uncomfortable and the struggle. We don't live in a world where that is universally accepted. And I'm sorry that it's not. I'm sorry for me, for Sarah, and for everybody listening. That sucks, right?
[28:43] Yeah.
[28:44] But this can be a first step to see what you need in your community, in your supports, to feel good about just showing up as you are. Just because therapists say, we want to meet you where you are, doesn't mean that everyone else in your life shouldn't be doing the same.
[29:04] Yeah.
[29:05] And if we were, then probably we'd live in a more authentic world.
[29:10] Totally.
[29:12] That's a podcast for another day.
[29:17] A webinar.
[29:20] Yeah.
[29:23] The one thing that's also just coming to my mind is values work and how values work can be supportive of folks kind of reclaiming bits and pieces of authenticity sometimes. I know we'll be like, oh, values. What's, for values? What are you talking about? So can you speak to that a little bit about values and their importance and kind of like how to use them as a guide back to yourself?
[29:47] Yes. So I've done this a few times over the years as a kind of guide. It's not always necessary, but it's really good as like a stepping stone. So you can find them online anywhere, but we can maybe include a values list in the podcast link, but definitely it varies. Like, if you think about values, they're things that are important in life, not to everybody, but to each their own. So family, friends, loyalty, respect, passion, fun, laughter, love are the things that are really the roots of humanity and some culture and some community, like the bare bones basics. So if someone is coming in and they're having all of these stressors and issues with boundaries and maybe struggling with disordered eating, handing them, that is hard for them to say, like, what's important to you? And they go, I don't ******* know. I don't know. So I encourage people to just say, what words do you resonate with at all? Either good, bad or indifferent, and it's just an invitation to take one by one. What do you feel in your body when you think about this word? Does it feel icky? Does it feel good? And when you start to understand what's important to you, you take all those values and you say, am I living my life in accordance to them? If respect is important to you and you're having relationships where you are not feeling respected and you're feeling ******. Makes sense. Totally. Now where it gets tricky is that could be a family member and family might also be another value to you. So maybe that's pausing and going to parts work and seeing what parts of you are trying to protect you. And that's something you can do with therapist and trying to understand which parts need a say in this and maybe coming to some form of negotiation. It's easier said than done, obviously, but I think it definitely has value. Has value in body image, eating disorder and trauma work. And you can even hone in on what values do you see your eating disorder going against. Right. As a way to kind of see, are those things important to me? Maybe that's a way to encourage some motivation for change. Or these are the values I grew up with, but now that I am a grown up, they're not really the values that I'm aligned with anymore. And you get to create your own. So values are kind of the stepping stone for the foundation to the stepping stones of authenticity. And it's definitely a good starting point, especially to really start to just connect. Connect doesn't mean action, just means connecting. Does that answer the question?
[33:06] Yeah, totally. We'll make a little like a PDF for folks to grab and check out. If values work is something that you want to dabble in or look at or consider, put it down, pick it back up, whatever works. We'll include that in the show notes. Totally. What did we miss?
[33:28] I don't know. I feel like we always talk about a lot.
[33:33] I know. The winding road. Totally.
[33:36] No, I mean, I think at the end of the day, authenticity is an ever evolving journey, just like trauma healing, just like eating disorder recovery. As Sarah says, chipping away and all of these things. Authenticity is just another thing we're talking about, that it's curiosity instead of judgment. It's one step at a time. It's recognizing that this is a luxury to do and that we recognize that. But also if you have the space to do it, to take advantage. And yeah, it's important, but be gentle with yourself. If you can't show up in your authentic self, you're in there. You're always in there. You're reclaiming that every single day.
[34:23] You're reclaiming you every single day.
[34:25] Yeah. Love it.
[34:31] All right. This is hard work.
[34:34] You all it is, but worth it.
[34:39] Well, thank you, Casey. Thank you. Yeah, I'll add the link to the merch store. There's lots of, like, reclaiming. Right? Because that's this process. Reclaiming authenticity, yourself, your values, what gives you pleasure and joy, your boundaries. Right. We could go on and on and on and on. So be sure to check it out if you'd like to support. Got anything else you want to add?
[35:03] No. It's been a pleasure. Thank you.
[35:06] Thank you for your wisdom and we will be back next week. Everybody, we will talk to you then. See you guys. Bye.
[35:15] Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of Reclaim You. Be sure to, like, comment and subscribe and check us out on YouTube at Reclaim You. If you're looking to start therapy for trauma, disordered eating or body image concerns, head over to our website@www.reclaimtherapy.org to learn more about us and our work. We'll be back next week with another episode. Until then, take good care of yourself.
Reclaim therapy provides specialized trauma therapy in Pennsylvania for PTSD and CPTSD. We also provide eating disorder treatment in Pennsylvania and therapy for body image concerns.
Reclaiming your authenticity in the wake of trauma and disordered eating is brave work. Our eating disorder and trauma therapists in Pennsylvania provide EMDR and somatic interventions to support clients in their healing process. Our team would be honored to support you on your journey toward reclaiming you!