What Grief Has To Do With Recovery From Binge Eating and Body Image
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When you decide to start or re-engage in recovery from disordered eating or body image issues, it can feel like you’re losing a lot.
These losses and the grief that surrounds them, come up quite a bit in body image counseling.
→ Behaviors (restriction, over-exercise, purging body-checking, bingeing) that really seemed to make you feel safe and contained.
→ An image of yourself that you believed you would achieve through the use of these behaviors.
→ A buffer or distraction from feeling difficult (and oftentimes overwhelming) feelings that your eating disorder or hypervigilance around your body provided.
→ The dream; for dieting to “work”. To be able to control the size of your body without feeling so itchy around food and hateful about your body.
The truth is that to be able to really make peace with food and your body, will likely mean you have to lose these things. Possibly so much more. And, the reality is that our bodies weren’t meant to be controlled and manipulated the way that diet culture has told us is possible.
loss is hard.
Change is uncomfortable.
And, knowing that grief is on the other side of giving up parts of yourself is a challenge. This may mean letting go of
Your routine around food and body
Parts of your life,
Your identity,
The goals you set
And your coping is difficult... to say the least.
enter grief.
Honoring the grief that comes along with the recovery process can be a powerful part of healing. Throughout grief counseling in Pennsylvania, attending to denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (Elizabeth Kubler-Ross stages of grief model) can be supportive of letting go of unrealistic goals. This includes goals to make your body conform to fatphobic beauty standards.
we know that grief is a fluid thing. it doesn’t follow a specific path or model developed by any guru.
This fluidity makes the grief process even more confusing to be with and understand. However, bringing awareness to the different stages of grief in relation to your relationship with food and/or body image issues can be supportive of moving into a deeper level of self-awareness and self-acceptance. If you have ever thought about grief counseling in Pennsylvania and you’re wondering how body image and loss of routine fits in, read on.
Let’s get into it
denial: it might be true for you, but it’s definitely not true for me!
You might be moving in and through this stage of grief if you are:
Continuing to engage in disordered eating behaviors despite acknowledging that long-term body manipulation and weight loss is not possible for most people.
Believing if you try hard enough, have enough willpower, you will achieve your dream bod.
Dreaming of all that the next diet will offer you- forgetting the suffering that comes alongside the diet- intense hunger, shame, and self-deprecation when you can’t adhere, feeling like you’re flawed because you can’t get it right, food hangovers post-binge, disappointment and shame when the weight creeps back on.
How to honor and move through this stage with counseling strategies for loss and grief:
Give yourself grace and self-compassion. It’s easy to get lured back into the promise of dieting, especially when the alternative is so uncomfortable.
Remind yourself that if dieting and disordered behaviors around food had worked, you wouldn't be here right now. Call out the harm that dieting has caused you over the years.
Be with what is. Lean into what it feels like to be hungry. Full. Satisfied. Whatever you are in the here and now, not when you get to a certain number or size.
anger: this isn’t fair! why me?!
You might be moving in and through this stage of grief common in grief counseling if you are:
Turning back to dieting or disordered behaviors to avoid feeling shame about your body.
Feeling resentment, anger, or rage at yourself for not being able to “get it right” like other people seemingly can.
Increased self-criticism that you are flawed or to blame.
Cycling back through denial.
Tips from a grief therapist to honor and move through this stage:
Acknowledge the real problem. Dieting. The belief is that we can suppress our genetic blueprint.
Externalize your anger. You aren’t the problem, diets are unsuccessful for the vast majority of people. Blaming and shaming yourself simply keep you stuck where you are.
Call out diet-culture wherever you see it as often as you can. Recall the harm that this system has done to you and your ability to show up unapologetically and wholeheartedly in your life.
bargaining: once I hit a certain weight, I’ll shift my focus to recovery
You might be moving in and through this stage of grief if you are:
Engaging in disordered eating for other reasons than intentional weight loss. One of the most common examples is maintaining disordered eating in the name of health.
Holding onto the goal of weight loss while trying to learn to intuitively eat.
Remaining in the binge-repent-repeat cycle, vowing to start recovery once you hit that certain weight or size.
Hoping to finally “succeed” by delaying the discomfort of weight gain or backlash eating (ie bingeing following deprivation) for as long as possible.
How to honor and move through this stage:
Get curious about what it means for something to “work”.
Understand your cycles of behaviors around food. Is this another iteration of a similar cycle that may continue to keep you stuck?
Learn more about intuitive eating, health at every size, and the mounting bodies of research citing how harmful dieting is.
Find support in understanding and healing narratives about your body and your worthiness because of them.
depression: this really sucks
You might be moving in and through this stage of grief if you are:
Feeling sadness and even guilt about the time lost to diet culture and disordered eating behaviors.
Withdrawal and confusion about what to do now?
Really feeling the loss of containment and safety that disordered eating behaviors provided you.
How to honor and move through this stage with counseling strategies for loss and grief:
Be with your sadness. Continue to externalize any anger that comes up, sinking deeper into the understanding that this wasn’t your fault.
Find support to heal from self-beliefs around body size that likely started at a young age.
Read up on fatphobia impacts us all, and is a driving force to maintain eating disorders.
acceptance: this is what it is and i am where i am. whether I like it or not
You might be moving in and through this stage of grief if you are:
You’re able to acknowledge where you are in time and space, connecting to the presence of your feelings about food and your body, without getting sucked into their spiral.
A feeling of neutrality around food and body.
You start engaging in the life you want to be living now, instead of waiting for a certain number or size.
Shifting toward a practice of trusting your hunger, fullness, and satiety cues.
How to honor and move through this stage:
Practice. Breath in the feeling of making decisions that are rooted in self-care.
Acknowledge that you can be here, giving yourself permission to come back to acceptance following periods of experiencing other stages of grief.
Working through loss is challenging, but grief counseling and body image therapy in Pennsylvania can support your recovery
The path to recovering from disordered eating and body shame is a hard, complicated, and winding one. Feeling grief around what you’re losing, what you’ve lost, time and money you’ve spent and ultimately lost, and who you’ll be on the other side of recovery, is a lot to be with.
As you move through your personal process, I hope you can identify and be with pieces of your grief as you process all that you’ve been through.
Remember, there is healing that happens each and every time you return to your recovery journey, no matter how many times denial and bargaining lure you back into the dieting or disordered eating cycle.
You aren’t flawed. Your body isn’t wrong. This is hard work.
At Reclaim Therapy, our grief therapists in Pennsylvania are here should you need support along the way. Contact us to see how we can support you today!
🧡,
Looking for in-person or online therapy in Pennsylvania?
We’re a group of trauma-informed therapists who specialize in treating body image, eating disorders, trauma and grief. We are a fat-positive practice and believe that all bodies, no matter their size, are deserving of liberation from disordered eating behaviors, trauma, shame, and oppression. We’d be honored to support you on your journey toward healing your relationship with your mind, body, and food. Contact us for a free consultation to get started!