What Causes Perfectionism?
Perfectionism, while not always stemming from trauma, involves a persistent state of stress and heightened alertness that can dysregulate the nervous system in a way similar to traumatic stress.
Perfectionism can be linked past trauma and can manifest in fight, flight, or freeze responses, which are the body's natural reaction to perceived threats. These responses are part of the autonomic nervous system's way of protecting us.
Here's how perfectionism can show up in relation to nervous system states:
Fight: Perfectionism may manifest as a "fight" response when you push yourself excessively to achieve flawlessness or control over situations as a way to move through feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. This may involve setting excessively high standards and relentlessly pursuing goals despite the toll it takes on your well-being.
Individuals who respond with a "fight" reaction to the threat of not being perfect may engage in overcompensation through perfectionistic behaviors.
This can look like:
Working exceptionally hard to the point of exhaustion to achieve flawless results.
Being overly critical of oneself and others to maintain control over projects, body or areas of life.
Assertively defending one's work or position to avoid any perception of imperfection.
This reaction stems from a desire to confront the threat head-on, but it can lead to burnout, strained relationships, and a never-ending cycle of setting unattainable standards.
Flight: In the "flight" context, perfectionism might emerge as avoidance behaviors. For example, you might procrastinate, or entirely avoid tasks out of fear that the outcome will not meet their high standards. This can be a way of fleeing from potential failure or criticism.
The "flight" response in relation to perfectionism involves avoiding the perceived threat.
This can manifest as:
Procrastination or delaying tasks because of the fear that the outcome won't be perfect.
Abandoning projects or goals at the first sign of difficulty or imperfection.
Engaging in endless preparation without moving forward to avoid the possibility of failure.
This avoidance strategy can lead to missed opportunities, feelings of inadequacy, and increased anxiety about achieving perfection.
Freeze: Perfectionism can be related to the "freeze" response when you feel so overwhelmed by the pressure to perform perfectly that they become mentally and physically immobilized. This could look like being unable to start a project, make decisions, or take any action due to fear of not achieving perfection.
Perfectionism related to the "freeze" response is characterized by feeling stuck or immobilized by the pressure to be perfect.
This might appear as:
Feeling overwhelmed and unable to start or complete tasks due to fear of not achieving perfection.
Indecisiveness and second-guessing every decision out of fear it may not be the "right" one.
A sense of paralysis when faced with expectations, leading to inaction.
This response can result in a significant amount of stress, decreased productivity, and a critical inner dialogue that perpetuates feelings of not being good enough.
Fawn: The connection between the fawn response and perfectionism can stem from similar underlying issues such as a need for approval, fear of rejection, or early life experiences with high expectations and critical caregiving environments.
Here's how they might connect:
Seeking Approval and Avoidance of Conflict- Individuals who commonly engage in the fawn response often do so to avoid conflict and to make themselves likable or acceptable to others.
This can directly feed into perfectionistic behaviors, where you strive to be flawless in an effort to garner approval, praise, or love. The underlying belief is that only by being perfect can you ensure you are beyond criticism and safe from potential conflict or rejection.
Fear of Rejection- Both the fawn response and perfectionism can be driven by a deep-seated fear of rejection. You might believe that by meeting every expectation (real or imagined) and by never imposing, disagreeing, or failing, you can avoid being rejected. This can lead to overworking, overachieving, and constant people-pleasing at the expense of your own needs and well-being.
Impact of Early Life Experiences- In many cases, both fawning and perfectionism are rooted in early life experiences.
Children who grow up in environments where high demands are placed on their performance or where they are excessively criticized may learn to associate their worth with their ability to meet these demands flawlessly.
Similarly, if love and affection are conditioned on pleasing behaviors or achievements, you may develop fawn-like tendencies alongside perfectionism as strategies to secure care and avoid negative consequences.
Self-Neglect and Boundaries- Both the fawn response and perfectionism often lead to self-neglect. In the attempt to please others and be perfect, you may ignore your own needs, desires, and limits.
This can manifest in overcommitting, ignoring personal health, and not setting healthy boundaries—all of which can perpetuate a cycle of stress, dissatisfaction, and feeling overwhelmed.
By understanding how perfectionism manifests in your body and behaviors, you can begin to develop healthier coping strategies and reclaim a sense of trust in yourself.
We’re a team of trauma therapists who provide trauma focused therapy for PTSD, CPTSD and eating disorders.
Many of the folks we work with identify as perfectionists. And, most of us have grappled with similar feelings and tendencies! We want you to know that you can heal from perfectionism and find peace and trust within yourself.
If you’re looking for a therapist who gets it, we’ll be here!
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