The Garden of Soul
I recently prepared my yard for a garden. This is a new yard to me and there was much to do.
What do I plant? Where do I plant it? Where’s the best light? Shade? Soil? Drainage?
This took time and observation.
I then worked hard schlepping stones and dirt and digging into the soil to prepare the garden for planting. Then (finally!) I was able to put the seeds and seedlings into the ground.
After all that sweat and toil, it was a relief to be finished. Now I could sit back, relax, and watch my garden grow.
Or so I hoped.
it wasn’t long before i realized that gardening is not a hobby for the idle.
Gardening takes work.
Take the tomatoes…
I planted them in a wonderfully sunny spot, then realized they were a bit too far from a water source. Add in a trip to the hardware store for a longer hose and a sprinkler and the need to make time in the morning or evening to water the plants.
Lesson learned: Relying solely on the unreliable weather to handle things won’t guarantee a bountiful harvest.
Next, the birds that I love to watch from my deck began to peck at what I’d planted, resulting in the further need to protect them. Other pests showed up, leading to Google searches and calls to my brother asking how the heck one deals with an infestation of beetles.
Another lesson learned: Hoping that growth would happen untested won’t guarantee healthy plants.
Then there was the weeding…all the weeding. And the pruning. And the feeding.
It wasn’t long before my dream of soaking in the sun on the deck was devastated by a garden that required me to tend to it daily.
Online therapy in Pennsylvania follows a similar narrative.
We enter online therapy in Pennsylvania thinking that the healing will just happen – all we need to do is show up. But, we soon learn that therapy involves the work of healing. Old beliefs and behaviors will continue unless we devote ourselves to a process of growth. This, like a garden, requires consistent tending to thrive.
Internal Family Systems is a Wonderful Tool!
Therapeutically, Internal Family Systems (IFS)* can offer us the tools needed to do that tending. IFS is also referred to as parts work. It is based on the belief that much like we are part of external family systems, complete with conflicting needs and roles. We also experience the same type of system internally.
did you ever wish you could just turn off your brain for a while? ever try to meditate and struggle to quiet your thoughts?
The persistent voices that refuse to be quieted are parts of our internal family system – critics, perfectionists, worriers, rescuers, and many more.
Those of us who struggle with disordered eating and body image may experience other parts focused on those concerns.
Parts work invites us to identify the parts of our own internal family systems and seek ways to better know and understand them. At the center of this work is the cultivation of ourselves. This is the wise voice within that is often drowned out by all the other noise.
How do we tune in to ourselves and give it what it needs to grow?
This is not an easy process.
Parts can become weed-like, keeping the self from the nourishment it needs. The self wilts, a shrinking violet overtaken by a field of weeds. Yet to some what is a weed, to another is a wildflower which, when balanced among the other flora and fauna, is helpful to the greater ecosystem.
The goal isn’t to eradicate the weeds and wildflowers, but to make room alongside them for the self and other violets to bloom.
Online therapy in Pennsylvania invites us to this important work.
We start with giving a name to the weeds and wildflowers, those parts of us that are leeching vital nutrients from the soils of self.
Next, we listen and learn. Why are they here? What are they trying to do? All parts are inherently good, but they can grow wild in the wake of heartache and pain. Some parts are controlling, trying to manage our life down to each beat of our heart. Such rigidity can challenge our relationships with ourselves and others. The need to control can steal life from us.
However…
When we lose control, other parts of us sweep in to save us. Their presence is evidenced by behaviors that seek to numb us out and disconnect us from our bodies, minds, and hearts.
Think about it this way:
If I can’t keep up with the weeds in the garden and they become completely out of control, I might throw in my garden gloves and give up gardening entirely. So, it can be with the cultivation of the self.
Finally, there are those small seeds and shoots yearning for sunlight and water.
These parts of us are exiled because somewhere along the way we learned that letting them grow is unsafe. What they need are companion plants that support their growth, rather than inhibit it. Those helper plants are born of the bloom of self: curiosity, calm, courage, compassion, clarity, creativity, connectedness, presence, open-heartedness, and awareness.
As the seeds of self take root and grow, we begin to find a better balance in the garden of our soul. It is through the cultivation of self that we are nourished and nurtured and have more resources available for pruning and weeding.
Getting support and growing takes time! Therapy can help!
So, feed and water frequently.
Keep pruning to encourage more growth and weed out what inhibits it.
And remember to care for ALL the plants of your soul garden so together they can produce soul-nourishing fruit. Online therapy in Pennsylvania is a great way to gain support with this journey! Reclaim Therapy is here to support you when you’re ready!
🧡,
Looking for online therapy in Pennsylvania?
We’re a group of trauma therapists located in Horsham, PA who provided specialized PTSD treatment and trauma therapy, EMDR therapy, eating disorder treatment, and counseling for body image concerns. We believe that all people are deserving of reclaiming their relationship with their mind, body, and food. Ready to get started with online therapy?