Self Confidence vs Self Worth
In and out of the therapy room, self worth vs self confidence are frequently discussed concepts.
While often used interchangeably, these are two very different aspects of our self-perception that play important roles in our overall well-being.
So, what’s the difference?
Self Confidence
Self confidence refers to an individual's belief in their ability to accomplish tasks and overcome challenges. It's that inner voice that says, "I can do this" when faced with a challenge. Self-confidence often manifests in:
Willingness to try new things
Ability to assert oneself in social situations
Resilience in the face of setbacks
Self Worth
On the other hand, self worth represents a more global evaluation of one's value as a human being. It's the foundation of self-love and self-respect. Self-worth influences:
How we allow others to treat us
Our ability to set and maintain healthy boundaries
Our overall sense of deserving happiness and success
In his well known work on trauma, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in building self-worth.
He states, "The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know. That takes an enormous amount of courage."
This insight highlights the deep connection between self-worth and our ability to trust our own experiences and perceptions.
Often, trauma can cloud our judgment and make us doubt ourselves. Recognizing and validating our own experiences is a crucial step in rebuilding self-worth after trauma.
Recognizing Self Worth vs Self Confidence Issues
While self-worth and self-confidence are related, they manifest differently in our lives. Understanding these differences can be crucial for personal growth and healing.
Signs of Low Self Worth:
Feeling fundamentally flawed or unlovable
Difficulty accepting compliments or praise
Constantly seeking validation from others
Tolerating abusive or disrespectful relationships
Feeling undeserving of success or happiness
Signs of Low Self Confidence:
Avoiding challenges or new experiences
Difficulty making decisions
Constantly comparing yourself to others
Negative self-talk about your abilities
Feeling like an impostor in your achievements.
Where They Overlap:
Self-worth and self-confidence issues often intersect and can reinforce each other. Some areas of overlap include:
Social anxiety: Low self-worth can make you feel undeserving of others' attention, while low self-confidence can make you doubt your social skills.
Perfectionism: Low self-worth might drive you to seek perfection to feel valuable, while low self-confidence can make you fear failure.
Difficulty setting boundaries: Low self-worth might make you feel undeserving of respect, while low self-confidence can make it hard to assert your needs.
Procrastination: Low self-worth can make tasks seem pointless, while low self-confidence can make them seem overwhelming.
The Trauma Connection
It's important to note that trauma can significantly impact both self-worth and self-confidence.
Dr. Janina Fisher explains, "trauma survivors have symptoms instead of memories." These symptoms can manifest as both self-worth and self-confidence issues, often intertwining in complex ways.
For instance, a traumatic experience might lead to a deep-seated belief of being unworthy (a self-worth issue), which in turn can erode confidence in one's abilities to handle similar situations in the future (a self-confidence issue).
Conversely, repeated experiences of feeling helpless or powerless (impacting self-confidence) can eventually lead to a global sense of worthlessness (a self-worth issue).
Understanding these nuances and interconnections can be important to begin healing.
By recognizing whether you’re struggling with self worth issues, self confidence issues, or a combination of both, you can begin to move in a direction toward healing.
Development of Self-Confidence and Self-Worth
Both self-confidence and self-worth are shaped by various factors throughout our lives, with early experiences playing a particularly crucial role. However, traumatic experiences can significantly impact this development.
Dr. Peter Levine, the developer of Somatic Experiencing, shares a perspective on how trauma affects us: "trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness."
This statement highlights the importance of processing traumatic experiences with support.
When we experience trauma, especially in childhood, and don't have the opportunity to process it with a compassionate, attuned other, it can become internalized, affecting our self-confidence and self-worth.
This is why trauma-informed approaches emphasize the healing power of empathetic, attuned relationships and belief in, and validation of, previous experiences.
The Nervous System's Role
Our autonomic nervous system plays a significant role in how we perceive ourselves and interact with the world. Trauma dysregulates this system, keeping us in a state of hyperarousal or hypoarousal, which in turn affects our sense of self and our ability to confidently engage with the world.
Dr. Stephen Porges, the developer of the Polyvagal Theory, provides insight into the importance of feeling safe for healing trauma and building self-confidence.
He explains, "safety is the treatment for trauma... When we feel safe, we can be calm, and we can be connected."
When we feel safe in our bodies and our environment, we're better able to access our resources, think clearly, and connect with others – all of which contribute to building self-confidence and self-worth.
Trauma's Impact on Self Confidence and Self Worth
Traumatic experiences can profoundly shape our self-perception. They can lead to negative beliefs, hypervigilance, and avoidance of triggering situations. These effects often persist long after the traumatic event has passed.
Symptoms like chronic self-doubt, difficulty trusting others, or a persistent sense of worthlessness might actually be the mind and body's way of processing past trauma. Recognizing these symptoms as potential trauma responses rather than inherent character flaws is an important step in healing and rebuilding self-confidence and self-worth.
Is Self Confidence Overrated?
As we've explored the nuances of self-confidence and self-worth, it's worth considering an idea that challenges popular thought: perhaps self-confidence is overrated, and our pursuit of it may actually undermine true self-worth.
Let's unpack this a bit:
The Self-Confidence Trap: Our culture's obsession with self-confidence often leads to a performative, externally-focused sense of self. We're encouraged to "fake it till we make it," but this can result in a fragile ego structure that crumbles under pressure. For trauma survivors, this pressure to appear confident can be particularly harmful, potentially reinforcing feelings of inadequacy or inauthenticity.
The authenticity paradox: True self-worth comes from self-acceptance, including acceptance of our insecurities and failures. By constantly striving to appear confident, we may be denying crucial parts of ourselves, ironically undermining our genuine self-worth. This is especially relevant in trauma recovery, where acknowledging and accepting all parts of our experience is crucial for healing.
Confidence as a by-product: Rather than pursuing confidence directly, we might be better served by focusing on building competence, fostering genuine connections, and aligning our actions with our values. Confidence then emerges naturally as a by-product of living authentically. For those dealing with trauma, this approach allows for a more gentle, self-compassionate journey of growth.
The power of vulnerability: As we discussed earlier, embracing our uncertainties and vulnerabilities can lead to more genuine relationships and personal growth. This vulnerability-based approach may seem at odds with traditional notions of confidence, but it often results in a more robust, authentic sense of self. For trauma survivors, this can be a powerful way to reclaim their narrative and connect with others.
Societal implications: Our emphasis on confidence may be reinforcing systemic inequalities. Those from privileged backgrounds often display more confidence, regardless of competence, while marginalized individuals may struggle with confidence despite high capabilities. This perspective is crucial when considering the impact of systemic trauma on communities.
Redefining success: By prioritizing self-worth over self-confidence, we can shift our definition of success from external achievements to internal fulfillment and integrity. This can be particularly healing for those who have experienced trauma, as it allows for a more holistic, self-compassionate view of personal growth.
This perspective challenges us to reconsider our pursuit of confidence and instead focus on cultivating genuine self-worth through self-acceptance, authenticity, and embracing our full human experience - insecurities and all.
It suggests that true strength doesn't come from an unwavering belief in our abilities, but from the courage to be ourselves, flaws and all.
To support you in doing this, we created a Self Worth Workbook! To accompany the workbook we put together a FREE 8 week mini-course that will come right to your inbox. Click below to download your workbook and enroll in the mini course!
Understanding and nurturing your self worth supports your overall mental health.
And, by recognizing the impact of trauma on our nervous system and self-perception, we can take steps toward healing.
As we've explored, self-confidence and self-worth are complex, multifaceted concepts deeply influenced by our experiences, including trauma.
From the potential pitfalls of overconfidence to the surprising power of vulnerability, from the impacts of our digital world to the legacy of intergenerational trauma, understanding these nuances can help us navigate our journey toward unapologetic self-worth.
Remember, this process is ongoing, and it's okay to ask for support along the way.
Whether through self-reflection, mindfulness practices, or help from a trauma therapist near me, every step towards better understanding and accepting yourself is a step worth taking.
You deserve to feel confident and worthy, simply because you exist.
🧡,
Reclaim Therapy provides therapy for childhood trauma, trauma therapy and EMDR Therapy in Horsham, PA. We also provide therapy to residents of Pennsylvania.
Our practice specializes in treating Complex PTSD, PTSD, eating disorders, body image concerns and grief. We have an unwavering belief that all people are deserving of an opportunity to reclaim their life from the impact of trauma, disordered eating and body-shame.