Navigating Boundaries After Trauma: Trauma Therapy Near Me
Setting boundaries after experiencing trauma is often difficult, but it can be an important step in healing from overwhelming life experiences.
In this blog post, we explore what boundaries are and why they're challenging to set after experiencing trauma. We also prove some practical tips for setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, and how a trauma therapist near you who can support you as you navigate recovery and healing.
What are boundaries?
Boundaries are guidelines, rules or expectations that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them, and how they will respond when someone passes those limits.
In short, boundaries are expectations that you have in relationships that help you feel safe.
Establishing clear boundaries is crucial to maintaining healthy relationships and protecting yourself from harm or further trauma. Boundaries allows you to communicate your needs effectively, create limitations around your personal space, and maintain a sense of autonomy in the world.
Trauma therapy near me can support you in developing a tool box of skills help you establish healthy boundaries after experiencing trauma, and helping you feel more in charge of your life.
Defining boundaries
Boundaries are often a foundational part of work in trauma therapy.
In her book, “Set Boundaries, Find Peace” Nedra Tawwab identifies 6 types of boundaries.
Physical - Personal space and physical touch
Sexual- Touching, making sexual comments, engaging in sexual acts without consent
Intellectual- Your thoughts and ideas- your words shouldn’t be dismissed or belittled
Emotional-Your emotions should be heard and respected, not ridiculed or dismissed
Material -Your belongings, your rules.
Time-How you manage your time, how you allow others to use your time, how you respond to requests for favors and how you structure your free time.
Why Set Boundaries?
Having boundaries is important to maintain a healthy balance between your own needs and those of others.
Boundaries can help keep you safe from physical, emotional, and mental harm and can help you take back control of situations, protect your energy, and honor your self-worth.
Setting and upholding your boundaries allows you to:
Stay safe from overextending yourself
Help define roles in relationships
Communicate what is acceptable to you and what is unacceptable to you in relationships
Are a guideline to managing expectations in relationships
Communicate what you need from others
Help create healthy relationships
Help you feel safe
Allow you to care for yourself how you need
Are a cue for others about how you will tolerate being treated
It's a skill for many people, but especially people who have experienced trauma, and/or childhood trauma, to start to recognize when limits have been crossed by others. Many times this crossing of boundaries can cause distress or even trigger past traumatic experiences, flashbacks and at times, dissociation.
Here are some common signs that your boundaries might be being violated:
You feel uncomfortable around someone
You find yourself trying to avoid the person
You notice changes in your mood or behavior when you're with them
You find yourself feeling frustrated after interactions with them
You feel disconnected from yourself
Being mindful of these signs can help you identify potential boundary violations early on so that you can take action that is self-protective and self-caring.
While setting healthy boundaries may seem difficult due to childhood trauma, or cognitive processing difficulties associated with complex trauma, it's never too late to practice and learn how to do it effectively. A specialized PTSD therapist near me can guide you through this process while providing support along the way.
Why is it hard to set boundaries after trauma?
A few weeks ago we wrote about ACEs (adverse childhood experience). The ACE measures trauma in the realms of abuse, neglect, childhood dysfunction and environmental failure.
As we discussed in this blog, growing up in a chaotic, abusive or neglectful household often leads to the experience of intense internalized shame. This shame can lead to low self-esteem, people pleasing and difficulty setting boundaries. You might be afraid that people will think less of you, could hurt you again, judge you, think you’re too much, or prove that there is no mechanism of safety available to you in relationships. You might also do what it takes to avoid conflict in effort to stay as safe as possible in relationships.
Difficulty recognizing and asserting personal needs: Traumatic experiences may leave us feeling disconnected from ourselves, making it difficult to identify and assert our own needs.
Tendency to overcompensate for lack of control in past traumatic situations: In an attempt to regain a sense of control, we may set overly rigid or unrealistic boundaries that end up isolating us from others.
Feeling guilty or selfish when prioritizing one's own well-being: Trauma survivors often struggle with feelings of guilt or shame, especially when it comes to prioritizing their own self-care.
The belief that setting boundaries will push people away can be overwhelming and cause anxiety around rejection or abandonment. This fear can stem from childhood experiences where boundaries were not respected or enforced.
Trauma-induced anxiety around being alone or isolated can also make it challenging to set healthy boundaries. Hypervigilance and mistrust towards others may cause difficulty in forming relationships altogether, as the fear of being hurt once again becomes too much to bear. This fear can stem from childhood experiences where boundaries were not respected or enforced.
This is why finding a trauma therapist near me is so important - we are trained to help people navigate these challenges and develop healthy boundaries that support their recovery and healing process.
How to set boundaries after trauma
After experiencing trauma, it can be difficult to know what our own needs and limits are in relationships with others. Take time to reflect on what makes you feel safe and what triggers feelings of anxiety or discomfort. Once you have a better understanding of yourself, communicate these boundaries clearly to those around you.
This is, of course, easier said than done!
Working with a therapist can support you in understanding what safety feels like, what kind of needs you have, and support you in deepening into believing that those needs are deserving of being felt and heard.
Recognize your needs and limits Identifying your needs and limits is a crucial aspect of healing from trauma. Here are some important things to keep in mind:
Identify triggers that lead to a need for setting boundaries: It's important to recognize situations where you feel uncomfortable or unsafe and might need to set boundaries with the people around you.
Acknowledge personal limitations in certain situations: Understanding what you can handle emotionally, physically, and mentally can help prevent burnout and overwhelm.
Understand the importance of self-care and prioritize it: Taking care of yourself should be a top priority. Make sure you're scheduling time for activities that bring you joy or calmness.
Communicate your boundaries clearly
When communicating your boundaries, it's important to use "I" statements to express your expectations, feelings and/or needs.
For example:
No. (yes, no is a boundary!)
I want/need/expect ___________.
or
I want/need/expect ____________ because__________. If you cannot _________ then, _________.
Some tips on communicating your boundaries:
Keep them short and concise.
Make them as crystal clear as you possibly can.
Focus on identifying your needs or you expectations. Period.
Build to establishing a consequence if the boundary is violated.
Establish consequences for boundary violations.
It's not enough to set boundaries; there must be consequences if they are violated.
The consequences should be communicated clearly beforehand so that everyone is aware of what will happen if a boundary is crossed. Remember, consequences don't have to be harsh or punishing; they just need to reinforce the importance of respecting the boundary that has been set.
Finding a trauma therapist near me
Finding a trauma therapist near you can be difficult, but it's important to find someone who specializes in the type of trauma you have experienced. If you live in Pennsylvania and have experienced childhood or complex trauma, we invite you to learn more about working with a member of the Reclaim Team.
When looking for CPTSD treatment near me or PTSD treatment near me, consider the different types of therapy they offer. Reclaim Therapy leans heavily on EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, and Parts Work.
Types of trauma therapy including EMDR, Somatic Experiencing and Parts Work
EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy, is a type of trauma therapy that helps individuals process traumatic memories. It involves using eye movements or other types of bilateral stimulation to help the brain reprocess these memories in a more adaptive way. EMDR therapy in Pennsylvania has been found to be effective for treating PTSD and CPTSD.
Somatic Experiencing is a body based approach to healing trauma that focuses on the body's physical sensations and responses to stress. This type of therapy aims to help individuals reprocess energy from past traumas through movement and bodily experiences. By tuning into their physical sensations, people can become more aware of how they are engaging in survival responses in their lives and begin to expand their window of tolerance and capacity for activation within their nervous system.
Parts Work is another form of trauma therapy that emphasizes understanding the different parts of oneself as a means for healing. This approach recognizes that everyone has various aspects or "parts" within themselves. Parts Work aims to identify these different parts, understand how they relate to each other, and supporting them to unburden as they build trust, collaboration and safety within the greater system.
It’s a brave first step to search for a childhood trauma therapists near me.
Our team of therapists can help you work towards understanding, setting and holding boundaries in the areas of your life that would be most impactful.
We want you to know that you deserve peace. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve healing.
🧡,
Reclaim Therapy in Horsham, PA specializes in providing CPTSD and PTSD Treatment.
Our team of trained trauma therapists provide EMDR Therapy in Pennsylvania and are trained somatically to address the roots of traumatic experiences. Our team also provides eating disorder treatment and body image counseling to Pennsylvania residents in Horsham and via online therapy in Pennsylvania.