How to Respond to Body Comments
Back in June, I was sitting under a tree, enjoying a beautiful morning at the playground. It happened to be my husband’s last day of paternity leave. As he was chasing after our two-year old I stole a moment of quiet while my 4 week old napped in the stroller.
As it goes, folks tend to love looking at babies. A grandmom who was blowing bubbles with her granddaughter came over to oo and aww at my little peanut.
She oo’d and aww’d and again, as it unfortunately goes. She thrust herself into a monologue about postpartum bodies.
There I sat, in a sleep-deprived haze, entertaining a one-sided convo about her daughter and daughter-in-law’s postpartum bodies. And, how she feels about each of their very different bodies. What can be done, should be done… etc etc etc.
ya’ll, i’ll be honest. i was uncomfortable.
My brain was trying to shift from thinking about how to handle my husband’s transition back to work, to scrambling to embody my truth and unwavering beliefs about bodies. I mean, I do mind-body therapy in Pennsylvania and regularly work on body image issues. I can handle this, right?!
I eventually ended up responding, commenting on how I’m in awe of all bodies. And, how they’re worthy of respect and praise because of what they do for us on a regular.
And, as it goes with strangers on the playground, she quickly shifted to talking about my two-year-old’s seemingly endless energy, and I was spared of more of the monologue.
After the convo, I had to give myself some grace. My response was something.
just like everyone else, i don’t always have the answers when it comes to body image issues and hard conversations
As someone who tends to freeze in unexpected situations, it got me thinking. Specifically, about people who feel vulnerable in similar discussions. I thought about, my clients, who I know experience body comments far more than they should.
There are endless amounts of memes floating around IG and FB encouraging witty or sassy responses. It's easy to think we would respond this way when faced with these comments. It is a fight response- when feeling challenged or threatened, some people shift into fight mode.
I don’t relate to in-the-moment-sass. I shift to more of a flight response...how can I relieve this discomfort? Can I escape it?! No matter how much I wish it could, my system doesn’t operate in sass or fight. I’m one of those who wake up at 3 am thinking, “shit!! I should’ve said….”
And I know others feel the same.
so, I want to give you some other options i suggest in mind-body Therapy.
Yes, if you’re quick on your feet, ready and comfortable giving some sass, more power to you! Give. That. Sass.
but, the rest of us need some options in those moments when comments or beliefs about bodies, or your body, come up.
Before I go on, I want you to know that your responses to body comments are your business. This is an opportunity to embody some radical self-care. This means putting your mental health first. And, knowing what feels best for you in response to people in your world. And, responses are bound to be different depending on who you’re talking to.
A rando at the grocery store may very well get a different response than your mom.
So, here we go.
don’t respond to comments on body image issues.
Yup. You’re entitled to not respond at all. Smile. Scowl. Nod. Walk away. Sit in awkward silence.
It’s all ok.
If you don’t have the emotional bandwidth, or desire to take a response on, you certainly don’t have to.
set a boundary
I love when folks let people in their life know what’s ok vs not ok. And, what they will and won’t tolerate in their relationship. If you have someone in your life who makes body comments, you have the opportunity to set some boundaries. Address what you’re willing to engage in and what you need from them instead.
educate
We’ve all been brought up and indoctrinated in diet culture. In fact, we all have internalized fatphobia and have been taught over and over again that thinner is better. Body comments can be an opportunity to educate people in your life about diet culture, weight science, your individual process, and the harm in pathologizing bodies. Your responsibility? Nope. An opportunity to plant some different seeds than what diet-culture plants? Yup.
be direct
This feels similar to setting a boundary. Telling someone “I don’t talk about other people’s bodies” or, “this conversation doesn’t feel right for me” is a great response. No explanation is required.
walk away
You have every right to take care of yourself in this way. Leave the room. If you feel uncomfortable, prioritizing your mental health is what matters. Giving yourself permission to exit the stage left is an act of self-care.
change the subject
You. Don’t. Have. To. Talk. About. Bodies. At. All.
Cool?
Cool.
Ya’ll, at the end of the day, what we know is that body comments are harmful.
full stop.
Most of us can remember the first time someone made a comment about our, or someone else’s, body. Or, the first time we were taught/showed that a certain body is wrong or right. Many times, leading to our very first diet or entry into an eating disorder.
At the end of the day, my hope for you is that however you respond to body comments, you can create some space. This means recognizing that your body is not, and has never been, the problem.
Living in a body in a culture obsessed with thinness can absolutely be traumatic. And, it can feel like endless hard work.
We weren’t taught that all bodies are deserving of care, compassion, and kindness. But, responding (or not responding) to people in your life in a way that’s in alignment with you, reinforces the fact that you know what is best for you. Thus celebrate your one and only body with your boundaries.
Take good care of yourself.
🧡,
Looking for in-person or online therapy in Pennsylvania?
We provided specialized support for people struggling with body image, chronic dieting, eating disorders, trauma, binge eating, and grief. We also provide Intuitive Eating counseling through our online coaching program, The Dieter’s Rebellion. All services are offered via online therapy in Pennsylvania. We believe that all bodies are deserving of recovery from disordered eating and body shame. We would be honored to support you as you start your journey. We want to help you heal your relationship with your mind, body, and food. This can be achieved in mind-body therapy in Pennsylvania. We cannot wait to hold space for you!