An Open Letter About Recovery to Folks Struggling With an Eating Disorder
Dear Brave, Extraordinary Human,
This letter is for you if you’re struggling with your relationship with food and your body.
If you’ve been formally diagnosed with anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, or OSFED, this letter is for you. If you struggle with orthorexia, compulsive/overexercise, dieting cycles, or body image issues, this letter is for you, too.
Eating disorders occur along a spectrum; on one end of the spectrum is eating intuitively without shame, guilt, fear of judgment. On the other end are clinical eating disorders like anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder. The space between the ends of the spectrum is where one survey found that 75% of people who identify as women fall. This space is where folks who identify as chronic, yo-yo dieters fall, along with people who struggle with body-loathing- desperately trying to make ‘lifestyle changes’ by dropping entire food groups, detoxes, intermittent fasting, cleanses, etc. All in order to alter the way their body shows up to the world. These types of behaviors are what we, as eating disorders therapists, consider eating disorder behaviors.
Not everyone who exhibits these behaviors has a clinical eating disorder. AND. There’s no comparing your suffering to another person’s suffering- clinical diagnosis or not. Your experience, your struggle and battle with disordered eating, body image issues, and eating disorder behaviors are your own. They’re painful. Often they feel like a cycle you don’t know how to find your way out of. And they’re valid as hell.
Recovery From An Eating Disorder
It probably feels like a loaded word. One fraught with expectation, worry, hope, and maybe even doubt. As eating disorder therapists who treat eating disorders, we want you to know what we believe to be true about eating disorders, what we believe about recovery, and what we fiercely believe you are deserving of.
If you’re living with an eating disorder there’s no doubt that you already know that eating disorders are dangerous and complex mental and physical illnesses.
Sort of like a hungry little monster living inside your own head, eating disorders and disordered eating behaviors tend to grow and thrive once they’re rooted in and are fed with eating disorder behaviors and beliefs. The more you lean on the behaviors and beliefs related to controlling your intake, your body, your behaviors, the more the little monster grows. Most times, disconnecting you from your passions, your values, your ability to feel and process those feelings, and your ability to feel in charge of your life, thinking about things other than numbers and perfection (calories, steps, reps, etc).
Brave, extraordinary human, we want you to know that choosing recovery is brave.
When parts of you that desperately want your life back- your time, your energy, your brain’s bandwidth to feel connected to yourself- are met with that oppositional little disordered monster inside your head, it can feel like a war is constantly being waged, pulling you in two polarizing directions. If you’re here, reading this letter, you likely already know the struggle that we are talking about.
this is where the hard work of choosing recovery comes in.
Many people envision that recovery from an eating disorder looks like going to a residential, intensive outpatient, or partial hospitalization program. And while programs like Monte Nido, Seeds of Hope, Center for Discovery, or the Renfrew Center are certainly viable and helpful options for some people, outpatient support from a therapist and dietitian are great options for many people as they start to find their footing in recovery.
At Reclaim Therapy, here’s how we see recovery:
Making the choice to show up. For your past self, your present-day self, and for your future self.
Most people we work with can trace their body image struggles and eating disorder behaviors back to as young as 8-10 years old. They recall how self-criticism, the drive to be seen as good enough, pretty enough, acceptable enough, lead to their very first diet or restrictive/compensatory behavior.
Often, all of this stemming from comments about the acceptability of their body or other people’s bodies.
Maybe it was around this age that you dabbled in your first round of Weight Watchers or some other restrictive diet. A sort of self-loathing, rite-of-passage into the world of girlhood, or seemingly harmless (at the time!) bonding experience with your mom, grandmom, sibling or friends.
I’m curious, brave, extraordinary human… what do you wish that 8 or 10-year-old little you knew then, that you know now? About the slippery slope of eating disorder behaviors, about bodies, about your body?
this is what we mean about showing up for your past self.
Being curious. Considering what your past self needed differently. What would have been supportive or healing then, that you can start to offer yourself in the here and now?
Because recovery from your eating disorder isn’t all about just tossing all of the behaviors to the curb. Do we work toward decreasing eating disorder behaviors over time? Of course.
But, throughout recovery, we also want to understand how and why these behaviors began, how they have become adaptive to your system, seemingly keeping you safe and secure over the years, and how we can begin to work alongside them, instead of continuing to rage and war against them.
you know all too well that arguing and raging against that not-so-little-anymore-monster in your head isn’t all that productive.
Instead, the process of showing up for your entire self- past, present, future (little monster and all!) is one that helps you learn and grow into the important skills of compassion, curiosity, and courage to challenge eating disorder behaviors.
This is a trauma-informed approach to recovery.
We want you to know that we don’t pathologize eating disorders or eating disorder behaviors. We know that you have done your very best to survive in your world considering your individual life experiences. We also want you to know that there is an entire world that is waiting for you, that you deserve to experience, outside of trying to control your body, your feelings, and the way you are perceived.
There might be a part of you that feels like recovery is simply about the food.
Yes, it’s about food. And, of course, it’s also not about the food.
is recovery from an eating disorder about feeding yourself differently? yup!
And, we want to help you get more nuanced than that.
Why is it that you fear food? Why did you start feeding yourself differently in the first place? What fears, insecurities, messages about bodies interrupted your ability to trust that your hunger(s) were worthy of being trusted? That your body knew what it was (and is) supposed to do? That your body has its own size, shape, and genetic blueprint that it can achieve without all the hypervigilance and mechanisms of control?
when did you learn (consciously or unconsciously) that it wasn’t safe to live in your one and only body?
Maybe you’ve experienced trauma. Maybe it was the messages from our culture or your family of origin about worthiness and acceptability. Maybe, like for so many, it was that very first diet that hooked you in.
And, while this can help you understand and lean into where healing needs to happen, you do need to eat.
regularly. adequately.
likely more than you ever believed or were taught that you ‘should’.
When you engage in eating disorder behaviors and your body is undernourished or starved, your body’s job is simply to survive. Which leads to hyper-focusing even more on food. If you’re here, we’re guessing that you know it all too well- the questions and spiraling plan of what, when, and how much is ‘enough.
Brave, extraordinary human, your brain and your body need food to function, to process, to digest, to feel.
To do the hard work of choosing recovery, of healing from your past, fully experiencing your present, and choosing a future that is in alignment with your dreams, your passions, what you really deserve, you need to eat. And, that does often mean making the hard decision of acting in opposition to your eating disorder.
Feeding yourself when it says not to.
Resting when it says you haven’t done enough.
Self-soothing when it says you’re only deserving of punishment.
Reparenting the wounded parts of your system.
By starting eating disorder treatment in Pennsylvania, we help you develop and practice skills to do just that.
Like we’ve said, eating disorder recovery is making the choice of showing up for yourself.
Showing up to strengthen parts of yourself that will help you feel a true and reliable sense of safety, so that you’re able to function in the world as you’re faced with a culture invested in thinness.
Recovery is trusting in your personal resilience, in the wisdom of your body’s ability to not only consume and process food, but it’s the ability to self-regulate and communicate its needs with you.
Recovery is time with family and friends that was previously spent in fear of being seen, being found out, or being faced with uncountable/trackable meals or foods. It’s spontaneous brunches, dinners, trips for ice cream, or water ice without the painstaking energy of figuring out how to undo it.
Recovery is the choice of pushing yourself when you have the energy and support to challenge eating disorder behaviors, thoughts, and beliefs and giving yourself permission to rest when you need to recharge. It’s having the autonomy to show up in whatever capacity you’re able to, each and every day.
Recovery from an eating disorder is the process of starting the journey of believing that you are good. That your body is good because it is yours, not because of the way it functions or appears to the world. It is beginning to understand that this body that you were gifted is your home for this lifetime. That doesn’t diminish the pain or experiences you’ve had in it, but empowers you to care for it, in turn, yourself, unapologetically.
Recovery from an eating disorder is learning how and when to lean into vulnerability, recognizing your needs, and asking for support. It’s shifting outside of the binary of good or bad, all or nothing, black and white. There’s no room for perfectionism in the recovery process- rather, it’s seeing perfectionism as a function of the eating disorder. A trap that leads to not-enoughness, striving, and the grind for approval.
It’s learning to give yourself grace and compassion when things are hard when you feel like you’re taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back. And, picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and pushing forward when you’re ready.
Recovery from an eating disorder is experiencing connection and joy. Not only in relationship with the people who are most important to you, but in relationship with yourself as well.
Yes, recovery is a choice, one that is available each and every day.
For many people, there’s no end destination, but an acknowledgment that you (we) live in a dieting obsessed culture and that with work, you can learn to be autonomous in choosing how you care for yourself. In ways that will keep you engaged and connected to yourself, instead of giving in to the belief that you must be changed, different, anything other than who/what you are in the here and now.
as eating disorder therapists, we believe that your body is a good body.
We fiercely believe that your hunger is worthy of being heard, felt, honored, and trusted. We want you to know that recovery can be a messy process, one that can’t be predicted or is one-size-fits-all. It’s a process that takes time, gains momentum and strength, and gets easier over time to choose over disordered behaviors and beliefs.
Brave, extraordinary human, your struggle with your eating disorder is valid. So valid.
And, you are deserving of support, validation, and hope that things can feel better in your body and in your world. If you’re not ready to embrace that hope, let us hold it for you until you’re able to see your deservingness, resilience, and strength.
to anyone struggling with an eating disorder: you are deserving of recovery.
Sending you love, hope, and the unwavering belief that you are and always have always been enough.
🧡,
at reclaim therapy, we specialize in helping people reclaim their lives through evidence based eating disorder treatment in pennsylvania.
Our eating disorder therapists want to help you see and believe that you can live a full life and overcome anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, and/or orthorexia.
We will collaborate with you as we help you find the resources you need to overcome urges to engage in disordered eating. We will assist you in learning to express your emotions in ways that are healthy and supportive. You’re more than a person with an eating disorder, and we are here to help you find that identity.
looking for a different kind of support?
We know that dealing with body image, eating, and trauma is complicated. That is why we offer an array of services that are meant to help you find healing. We offer support to Pennsylvania residents for body image concerns, binge eating therapy, eating disorders, and trauma treatment. All of our services are offered in person and via online therapy in Pennsylvania. When you’re ready to take back your power, or need some guidance getting to that point, we are here to walk alongside you.